Saturday, January 30, 2010

Tommy's Take on: TNA Impact 1/28/10

Now for Impact.

Last week, Angle got to relive the Montreal screwjob.  AJ Styles officially joined Flair, and Mick Foley bloodied Eric Bischoff, who fired him.

- Will tonight's main event also be Angle vs Styles?

- Angle has "quit" and Foley is "fired"...does this mmean TNA originals will get time on the air?

- "Cross the Line" video package.

- "I flew 6000 miles for TNA".  Loser.

- Some kind of tournament at Against All Odds?  I couldn't hear what Taz said.

- Bischoff and Hogan to the ring.  Bischoff isn't showing any bandages or stitches.

- I bet they planted the "4 Sides 4 Life" sign.

- Is that Sean Waltman in the crowd?

- Why is Hogan calling out Foley?  I thought Foley was fired?  Either way, here he is.

- Is Foley taller than I thought, or has Hogan shrank?

- Nice...Hogan's going to "work things out" right here.  Hogan's saying Foley has potential, but they can make him work. 
- Foley is claiming that he didn't touch Eric.  Nice...Bischoff not looking rough is a plot point.  Good show.  Foley pointing out that he would have torn Bischoff up.  Hogan telling Foley to work it out or walk.

- Hogan's music hits...I'm confused.  "Work it out, or walk out.  That's up to Bischoff."  I don't think that segment made any sense.

- Crap.  Bubba the Love Sponge and Jeff Jarrett.  Can they PLEASE get rid of Bubba?

- Mr. Anderson and Christy Hemme backstage.  She calls him "Ken", and he gets offended.  Anderson doesn't have a match, so he has to "book" himself.  Issuing an open challenge to anyone: Sting, The Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money, Samoa Joe or even Hemme.  But he REALLY wants Abyss.  Might be a good idea for someone lower on the card than Abyss to answer the call.

- I used to like that guy...but he's kinda worn off on me.

- An "8 Card Stud Tournament" to determine a #1 Contender to the TNA title...but Lashley still has a shot he hasn't cashed in, and Joe has a shot HE hasn't cashed in...

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DESMOND WOLFE (w/Chelsea) vs SEAN MORELY

- Two of the blandest looking men on the roster.  Awesome.  Chelsea's cute.  Quick cuts to women in the audience...are they supposed to look put off?  Isn't he the face?  Wolfe's new tights are an improvement.  I notice that both men are bald and wearing purple.  Wolfe unloads, chops to the throat, boot choke.  Hernandez faces Daniels in this tournament as well.  Wolfe is working over the arm.  Wristlock brings him down.  Wolfe has both arms locked, but Morley rolls through.  Morely fights back....armbar takedown.  Wolfe charges into a boot!  Morely fires back with his good arm and hits a one arm neckbreaker.  I can't help but notice that Morely's offense looks identical to Hardy's from Superstars.  Morely goes for the Money Shot...Wolfe cuts him off!  TOWER OF LONDON!

Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall. (TOWER OF LONDON)

- Can we get a Chelsea photoshoot?

- Jarrett barges in on Hogan and Bischoff, minus an attorney.  Jarrett's backpedaling on his tirade from two weeks ago.  Hogan seems accepting, Bischoff is skeptical.  Jarrett's offering to start over from the bottom of the ladder.  Wait...are they throwing Ken Anderson vs Jeff Jarrett out this week with no build?  Either they have no confidence in either man, or they still hate money.  Bischoff's still doing his movie villain crap after people leave his office.  I'm confused...did Jarrett just turn face again?

- Screwjob recap.

- Back in AJ's locker room, they're looking at suits.  Apparently AJ is sitting on the belt for 30 days.  Its funny, because when Flair was champion back in the day, he was the hardest working champion in wrestling.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DANIELS vs HERNANDEZ

- Will anyone with hair get in this tournament?  Daniels attacks at the beginning.  TNA needs to remove all of their hexagonal graphics.  Hernandez with a delayed suplex.  Daniels tries for a sunset flip but Hernandez just stands there...then flips him overhead.  Daniels takes over with an eye gouge and enzuigiri.  Good.  I'm tired of guys twice Daniels size selling his power offense.  Daniels grounds Hernandez.  Jawbreaker staggers him for an STO and then a moonsault!  Angel's Wings?  Backdrop!  Daniels sends him to the floor.  Slingshot shoulderblock back in!  Hernandez on fire!  Biel!  Misses a charge.  This is looking a little sloppy.  Both men up top...Daniels thrown off!  Misses a splash!  School boy with feet on the ropes, but he kicks out!  Daniels is so screwed.  Huge shoulder from Hernandez.  Border Toss coming...no!  Dominator!

Winner: HERNANDEZ via pinfall (DOMINATOR)

- Two men are in...Hernandez and Wolfe.  Nothing special.

- Dear God.  Mike Tenay is mediating Team 3D and The Nasty Boys.

- Beautiful People preparing backstage.  They take on Tara, Kong and Hamada later on.

- Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys at Against All Odds.  EW.  Ya know, Sags no longer has a mullet at least.  Knobbs does.  Security seperates them.  I just can't believe annyone thinks this is a good idea.  The Nastys have only been "missing" for ten years?

- Really?  SAGS just called Brother Ray fat?

- Really?  D-Von just called The Nastys fat?  Team 3D have been in TNA for five year already?

- I don't like Team 3D, but Knobbs and Sags are just embarrassing next to Team 3D.  Crowd gives a mild reaction to the idea that they want to see this match.

- That's the best reason not to watch the match.

- Hemme interviewing The Beautiful People.  Hemme goes straight to Angelina Love being back.  Are they really building to Lacey vs Angelina?  It should really be Love vs Sky...Sky is definitely the more forceful personality there.

- Lashley is talking to Bischoff again.  Bischoff fires him.  So...we spend two weeks with Lashley demanding his release...they ignore him.  He changes his tune...and they fire him?  What?

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs AWESOME KONG, HAMADA & TARA

-  Kong, Hamada and Tara have all the belts between them.  Tara and Kong have been known to have issues as well.  The Beautiful People are scared on the floor, because of the spider.  Madison Rayne will be starting off against Hamada.  Rayne tries to ignore her, and Hamada hits some slow motion kicks and headbutts.  Hamada ropewalks Rayne's arm and then hits an armdrag.  Rayne reverses and tags Velvet, who tags Lacey...who tags Rayne...who will probably take the pin.  Hamada gets free and tags Tara.  Tara with a slam and she steps on Rayne before hitting a moonsault.  Sky kicks Tara on an irish whip. and Tara gets isolated in the Beautiful People corner.  Double hair takedown by Sky and Tara.  Kong is in!  Rayne is dead!  Double clothesline doesn't budge Kong!  Hamada back in...cleaning house with whiffed kicks.  Tara slams Lacey...Hamada moonsault!  Rayne with the Ugly Stick on Hamada!

Winners: THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE via Rayne pinfall on Hamada (Ugly Stick)

- They attack Tara with the Ugly Stick!  Love is in cleaning house!

- Not a good match at all.

- Hogan has Earl Hebner backstage...Hebner is claiming Angle tapped, Hogan is calling BS.  They are actively referencing Montreal.  Seriously?  Hebner is actively taking credit for screwing Bret, and says Flair paid him off...and Hogan suspends him?  That's not a fireable offense?  Well...this IS TNA.

- Just embarrasingly bad.  There's no logic there, and it is clearly piggybacking off of the Bret-Vince angle...because TNA doesn't have anything else.

- Angle is here?  I thought he quit?

- Flair is backstage with AJ...who looks like he's never seen a girl before.  Wow.  AJ is just so unnatural here.  There's talk that he's dying his hair soon.

- UGH.  Bubba tracks down Mick Foley.  Why is he here?  Foley is optimistic that he'll be alright, no matter what happens with Bischoff.

- UGH.  Angle.  I don't want to hear this.  Seriously...I thought he quit?  Hogan has given Angle a chance to qualify for the 8 Card Stud Qualifier. There just really was no point to the "Angle gets no more shots" bit, huh?  Angle claims the fans are disappointed in AJ, but they don't sound like they fully agree.  This from the asshat who was in charge of The Main Event Mafia.  Now we're getting the "Flair doesn't care" bit, and he wants to strip AJ of his "innocence".  Um...AJ's already had about three heel turns.  I'm really sick of the idea of AJ vs Angle, myself.

- SIGH.  Hogan.  Where's Eric Young?  Or Beer Money?  Raven and Daffney?  Sorry...tuning out here.  I don't like either one of these bald bastards.  Angle's apologizing for accusing Hogan of being involved in the screwjob, I guess.

- Waltman attacks Angle!  Here comes Hall!  Waltman with the Bolo Legdrop!  COINCIDENCE?!

- Security running off Hall and Waltman.  Appparently quitting or being fired means you get to be on TV every week.

BRIAN KENDRICK & THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs GENERATION ME & AMAZING RED

- Red is X Division champion.  Most of the guys in this match are smaller than me.  Kendrick, apparently, isn't getting along with Shelley or Sabin.  Big, choreographed X Division spots.  One, I don't type fast enough to keep up and two, if they're not going to sell anything, why should I?  Kendrick pins Red with a cradle after a blind tag.

Winners: MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS & BRIAN KENDRICK via pinfall on Red (Kendrick cradle)

- Here comes The British Invasion!  Beating down Red!  Rob Terry with a choke slam!  Terry's going to cash in the X Division shot, Brutus Magnus cuts him off!

X Division Title Match
AMAZING RED vs DOUG WILLIAMS

- Back from the break, apparently Magnus made Terry give Doug Williams the X Division title shot!  CHAOS THEORY on Red!  New champion!

Winner: DOUG WILLIAMS via pinfall (Chaos Theory)

- Jarrett's really starting to show his age.

- The Money in the Bank gimmick is fine...in WWE.  I'd like to see TNA do something a little more original.

- Foley and Bischoff backstage, with Foley trying to get Eric to reveal how he got busted open.  Foley launches into a story about his son crapping at Chuck E. Cheese's.  Foley would rather clean up crap than work for Bischoff.  So...now Bischoff is leveraging Abyss and Borash to make Foley remain working there?  I'm confused with who they are trying to keep and who they're trying to fire.

- Bischoff barges in on Flair, Styles and the women.  AJ!  What about your wife and kids?!  Your Christian values!  Apparently Flair's contract is air tight.  AJ will be working at Against All Odds...but Bischoff won't tell him against who.

- Where's Samoa Joe?

- Main event is next.

MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF JARRETT

- This could be very generic.  Crowd is crapping all over Anderson, and I think its X-Pac heat.  Jarrett gets no music or video, and is slapping hands...so...did they reverse the heel turn?  Anderson backpedals early on.   Jarrett has to remember for a second that he's working face.  Jarrett's looking winded?  As that selling the "ring rust" or is that legit?

- Back from the break and Anderson is beating Jarrett down, ramming his arm into the ringsteps.  Hammerlock...and drop on the mat.  Main event armbar.  Sleeper by Anderson...Jarrett blocks...top wristlock by Anderson.  Jarrett fights up...shoulderblock by Anderson.  Sorry...this thing really is bland.  Anderson up top...misses the Swanton!  Even my son sees the end coming...and he barely watches wrestling.  Jarrett rallies...Stroke!  Low blow by Anderson!  Small package!

Winner: MISTER ANDERSON via pinfall (small package)

- Bischoff was pleased backstage.  That match was very, very "blah".

- Anderson attacks post match!  Beating Jarrett down!  He's waiting on Jarrett to get up...sizing him up...Mic Check (flatliner).  No Abyss?  Bischoff does the evil movie villain thing again.

- I still don't know what to make of TNA.  No Eric Young, no Beer Money, no Samoa Joe.  TONS of Bischoff and Hogan.  Anderson-Jarrett was incredibly bland.  I can't imagine people who want to see Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys...honestly, there just wasn't much to enjoy in this episode.