Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Tommy's Take on: WWE Monday Night Raw 1/11/10

- Alright...gonna try this again. Raw's guest host is Mike Tyson. The Diva's tournament continues. John Cena is back...not much else has been announced.

- Mike Tyson is the most awkward guest host...good lord. Nice "You screwed Shawn" chants. Sheamus to interrupt. I didn't even recognize his music. Tyson looks RIDICULOUS with that tattoo. Why's Tyson backing down from Sheamus? Nice fakeout on Sheamus! Randy Orton? This...is weird. Orton calls Sheamus on creating a "SportsCenter moment". Orton wants: A title shot. CENA! He's been MUCH missed in his week off. HA! "I came here to see Mike Tyson!" Cena's stealing Morrison's "accent mockery" angle. CENA WITH THE PUNCH-OUT REFERENCE!!! Cena for the win. Kofi! I booked Kofi as Sheamus' opponent in Extreme Warfare Revenge. Nice opening segment so far. Kofi points out he's never had a title shot. Crowd was chanting...something...Cena went "Rocco" on them. The smarks in the crowd are actually taking over. Weird. Sheamus wants the Rumble off. *Yawn* Triple Threat: Kofi vs Cena vs Orton! CENA BACK TO THE PUNCH-OUT! Awesome.

- Tremendous opening segment. I gotta imagine Kofi is winning...since Kofi-Sheamus can be on a Rumble PPV without taking buyrates, ala Lesnar-Holly.

- Promises of more McMahon-Hart developments.

- Cena's gonna be on Psyche.

Divas Championship Tournament
KELLY KELLY vs ALICIA FOX

- Gail Kim and Maryse are already in, this match is to face Gail Kim next week. Kelly is hot, and a little better than she gets credit for. Fox is overrated, in my view. Already said that Gail-Jillian got buried on Superstars and this is on Raw, but Kelly and Fox are considered hotter on the totem pole. My God! Kelly whips Fix over the ropes and to the floor, and then dives on her! Fox with a powerbomb out of nowhere!

Winner: ALICIA FOX via pinfall (Powerbomb)

- Decent. Kelly is getting better...one of the most athletic Divas and more attractive. But the heel going over was obvious with the announcement that the winner was facing Gail. I don't even know who's left to face Maryse. Eve and...?

- Cena Fiesta Bowl package.

- Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes here to talk. Legacy is talking about how they helped Orton win the Rumble last year. Rhodes and DiBiase already arguing over who's winning this year. DiBiase pimping his movie. Rhodes is trashing Cena's "Marine". Orton? Mark Henry! And Evan Bourne! What happened to Bourne and Primo?

LEGACY vs MARK HENRY & EVAN BOURNE

- All four men are already in the Rumble. What happened to Henry and MVP? Bourne is on ECW tomorrow. DiBiase and Bourne locking up. Bourne sure is good..and over for losing so much. They need to pull the trigger on this turn. Bourne is seperated and getting killed. Lawler sounds like he has a cold. Man...Bourne sells like a champ. Rhodes is just stalking Bourne. Big slam and a knee drop. Rhodes with a nice hammerlock/chinlock variation. Enzuigiri! Bourne trying to tag! Henry in! Rhodes is dying! Black man headbutt! Nails DiBiase! Gorilla press on Rhodes! Calling for the Shooting Star! DiBiase saves Rhodes! DiBiase sends Henry out! Bourne nails DiBiase! CROSS RHODES on Bourne! Legacy wins!

WINNERS: LEGACY via pinfall on Bourne (CROSS RHODES)

- Decent. Mostly just to advance the Legacy split.

- DX backstage! HBK is going to confront Tyson! This one is definitely being played for laughs, though. Nice...Triple H calls Tyson "the man that knocked (Shawn) out for four years)".

- ECW Homecoming for a shot at Christian, TOMORROW.

- HBK confronting Tyson backstage! Tyson looks miffed that HBK is touching him. Tyson shoots him down! Says he liked knocking Shawn out! Jericho! Jericho is back for, what I assume, is going to be his last Raw appearance...until the draft or big supershow. DX vs Jericho/Tyson! If DX loses, Jericho gets a "Brand-Free" pass. I...am shocked. Still gotta imagine Jericho's getting the suckerpunch.

- Hart/McMahon recap. I want to point out that the reason the Hart angle is better than the nWo angle is because WWE actually told everyone the relevant backstory, instead of assuming everyone knew it.

- Teasing "Retribution" tonight.

- Jack Swagger has taken over the ring. He apparently cut off an announcement from Cole and Lawler. Swagger is issuing an "over the top" challenge for tonight...Mark Henry's already been here. Big Show? SANTINO! Alllright. This should be funny. Ha! Santino was going to issue the same challenge.

OVer The Top Rope Challenge
JACK SWAGGER vs SANTINO MARELLA

- Swagger murderering Santino with bear hug charges. Vader bomb. Swagger is eliminating Santino...Santino holds on and takes Swagger over! Santino wins!

Winner: SANTINO MARELLA

- Swagger chases Santino off!

- Recap of Tyson meeting Austin and the pull apart.

- Oh, the big announcement is the DX tag match vs Jericho/Tyson.

- Triple threat is NEXT.

#1 Contender's Match
RANDY ORTON vs KOFI KINGSTON vs JOHN CENA

- Lawler bagging on Kingston for losing last week. Orton goes after Cena, gets clocked by Kofi. Double team on Orton! Kofi splashes Orton. They are stalking Orton. Orton powders...Cena gies after him, sending him to Kofi. Kofi throws Orrton out...stares down Cena! Here comes Sheamus! Orton attacks both men! Commercials.

- Orton with the ratings-killing chinlock. Apparently a lot of people last week flipped over from Angle-Styles multiple times to see Orton locking Kofi in a chinlock. Cena got taken out during the break. Coming back in and Orton with the elevated DDT. Cross body by Kofi gets two! Kofi in charge! Orton with the 3.0 but Cena comes alive! Misses a charge into the corner! Kofi SOS on Orton! STF on Kofi! Kofi is FIGHTING! Orton with the save! Cena shoulderblocks on Orton! Protobomb! Five Knuckle Shuffle! Cena wisely cuts his run down to avoid surprises from Kofi. Attitude Adjustment blocked by Kofi! Kofi on fire! Boom Drop! Trouble in Paradise knocks Cena out of the ring! Kofi pounces on Orton! Cody Rhodes attacks Cena! He's got the ref! DiBiase clips Kofi! Orton sizes up Kofi...RKO. Wow. Orton-Sheamus is the least compelling match I could imagine.

Winner: RANDY ORTON via pinfall on Kofi Kingston (RKO)

- Sheamus taunts Legacy from the ramp. Seriously...Kofi-Sheamus could have been interesting. Sheamus-Orton is about the most yawn-worthy match I could imagine.

- Hornswoggle is taunting Tyson. Tyson threatens to jump rope with Hornswoggle's intestines! Ha! Of course, the obvious swerve is Tyson clocks Jericho, is wearing a DX shirt, and buries the hatchet with HBK.

- Clips of MVP winning the US Title shot from last week.

- The Miz is backstage. The Miz is talking about how unwanted he was when he debuted. Telling a story about being banished for 6 months for "spilling crumbs" in a referee's bag. Mentioning JBL...mocking JBL. Nice...now he has a "private locker room". Mocking MVP. He's strolled from the backstage area to the arena. I have to admit...he's been brilliant since splitting from Morrison. Nice! Says MVP should still be in jail. "I'd rather you hate me for everything I am, then love me for something I'm not." Awesome delivery. Is he intentionally looking at the wrong camera? Great promo. Uh-oh. MVP interrupting...in an ugly suit. MVP making a nice promo about hard work and "earning" things. "Miz is awesome" chant. Wow. Miz strips down to his undershirt. Calls Miz a monkey. Hm. Imagine if Miz had been the one to say that. They are having a conversation about...flinging poo. MVP with an intense recap of his life in prison. Staredown. MVP throws the mix at Miz! MVP clobbers Miz! Drive By kick knocks him out of the ring!

- Very effective segment. Wow.

- Recap of last year's Hall of Fame event.

Divas Championship Tournament
EVE TORRES vs KATIE LEA BURCHILL

- Well...that explains that. GOD...Maryse on commentary. YUCK. Torres will be facing Maryse after beating Katie. Surfboards are awesome in Divas matches. Just saying. Not even talking about the match, talking about the Maryse-Miz angle. Katie looking great, but this match is a foregone conclusion. Maryse buries the match by talking about how boring it is. Screw you, Maryse. So Gail vs Maryse in the finals after all the interesting wrestlers were eliminated? Ugh.

Winner: EVE TORRES via pinfall (School Girl)

- Carlito is hitting on Gail Kim...Mr. McMahon! Next!

- GOD. REY vs BATISTA AGAIN. This time in a CAGE. MAKE IT STOP!

- Here comes Vince.

- "We want Bret", Vince ignores it. Vince says Bret is scared. Vince says he screwed Bret last week. "Boring" chant. Smarks? Vince bars Bret from the WWE...FOREVER. Short and sweet.

- Tyson and Jericho sparring backstage. Main event is NEXT.

- Don Johnson and Jon Heder next week? Good lord.

- If DX Loses, Jericho Gets A Free Pass
DX vs CHRIS JERICHO & MIKE TYSON

- I guess Big Show's working Superstars this week? This is an angle masquerading as a match, so Tyson can slug Jericho and reveal the DX shirt. I would have preferred a Jericho-HBK match ending in a Tyson screwjob ala WM. HBK is calling out 'Taker AGAIN. Wanting 'Taker to answer him on Raw next week! Hey, Shawn, just go win the Rumble. Then you can challenge UT for the belt. Duh. Tyson looks so out of place. Tyson and HBK to start? Tie ups and Tyson throws him off. Shoulderblock on HBK. Where's Masters? Superstars again? HHH and Tyson stare down! Tie ups...HHH refuses to back down. Big shove on HHH! Jericho tags in! Jericho getting made a bitch. Again. Several sunset flip reversals on HBK and Jericho. Tyson back in...Hornswoggle in a boxing robe! Jericho tags in...everyone in the ring...Tyson behind Jericho...here comes the KO. Yup...DX shirt. To his credit, Jericho sees it coming before happens. HBK pin.

Winners: DX via pinfall on Jericho (Tyson KO)

- HBK and Tyson hug. Jericho is selling it COMPLETELY dead.

- Not a bad show. A lot of annoying elements kept down, some strong promo work, especially from Miz and MVP. Bret is barred from WWE, so of course he'll be back next week. Orton vs Sheamus is the worst WWE Title match I could imagine, though.