Alright...it's time for WWE Smackdown, and a #1 Contender's Match I don't want to see! As I end this week long experiment, I don't think it's going to happen again anytime soon. On one hand, I did enjoy it...on the other hand, that was 9 hours of wrestling with next to no fast forwarding.
- WWE intro video.
- I couldn't help but notice, reading other recaps, that the matches I liked were the ones the smarks on other sites hated, and so forth.
- Beat The Clock recap from last week. Batista was due to win, when Rey yanked the referee out of the ring. Vickie Guerrero overruled the finish and made a rematch for tonight, which will end in a double countout, double DQ, double pin or no contest, because I'm sure we're getting another triple threat.
- Batista...for a promo. I used to like this guy so much. Now? Not so much. Batista gets the Lex Luger spotlight. Batista giving a promo is not something I want to hear. BlahblahblahI've been screwedblahblahblah. Calling out Teddy Long...who is ignoring him. Rey answers instead. Shoot me. I can't STAND Rey. I can't stand him in the ring. I can't stand him on the mic. I haven't liked him for years...but the "Eddie" push just made me totally sick of him. This back and forth is awful. Rey, pointing out Batista is in street clothes, apparently doesn't grasp the concept of a "main event". ARGH. STOP DRAGGING THIS OUT! PLEASE.
- Just an awful "dueling promo". It is hard to express just how much I DON'T want to see this main event.
KANE vs DOLPH ZIGGLER
- This is a rematch from Dolph's strong showing last week in the Beat The Clock Challenge. Nice heat for a guy whose pushed has been killed. Zigggler sticking and moving. Kane catches him when he slides under and is killing him with punches. Kane will be back on ECW next week for the ECW Homecoming...as Todd Grisham is now pointing out. Nice. Kane with a side headlock...snap mare...seated dropkick! Gets two. Striker is a delight on commentary. Kane sets Ziggler up top...Ziggler fighrs as Kane goes up! Fights him off! Missile dropkick! Only gets one! Ziggler is all over Kane. Neckbreaker...blocked! Oh! He kicks the knee out and hits a DDT, but still only gets one. Remember when a DDT ended a match? Kane refusing to give more than a one. Hiptoss by Kane! But he charges into an elbow. Sleeper on Kane! Kane keeps crushing him. Ziggler with a tornado DDT but gets thrown off! Clothesline! Kills him with an irish whip...into a boot! Kickout! Side slam! Kane up top...clothesline! He's calling for the CHOKESLAM! Ziggler fights out! ZIGZAG! Kane kicks out! Ziggler is shocked! He goes back to the sleeper and grapevines Kane! Crowd firmly behind Kane! Kane fights up! They spill through the ropes! Ziggler holds it on! Kane can't shake him! Ziggler breaks the count at 8 and runs back in to beat Kane by countout!
Winner: DOLPH ZIGGLER via countout.
- Nice booking. Ziggler wins, Kane is ticked, Ziggler looks smart along the way. I approve.
- CM Punk is "saving" someone tonight...SIGH.
- Michelle McCool is trying to make nice with Beth...so Beth doesn't kill hher and Layla. Haha...Beth is gonna kill Layla tonight.
- Jericho is in the locker room with The Hardy Dynasty! He's talking himself up, they look skeptical. Jericho as mentor for The Hart Dynasty? David Hart Smith...heels out on Bret? Jericho seems pleased with their attitude.
- Ugh. R-Truth.
R-TRUTH & CRYME TYME vs CHRIS JERICHO & THE HART DYNASTY (w/NATALYA)
- At least they have found new ways to run Hart Dynasty vs Cryme Tyme. Poor Jericho. Poor, poor Jericho. R-Truth and Kidd to start...side headlock by Truth. Kidd slips around and hammers him. Ducks a leapfrog and runs into a dropkick by R-Truth! Flapjack by JTG and Truth! Shad in now to bully Kidd! Remember when Cryme Tyme were pushed as serious contenders to Jerishow? Truth back in. Kidd fights free and tags Jericho...who gets punked. Jericho looking like a complete goof here. Sigh. This is just depressing. Heading to a break.
- Jericho getting killed by Shad now. Smith hasn't been in, on camera at least. Gorilla press...and drop! He hits the ropes, but Smith yanks the top rope down! Natalya lays in a kick! Jericho goes after Shad...sends him back in. Jericho lays in the boots. Isolating Shad. Kidd in now, working Shad over. The heels are tearing Shad up. Kidd and Jericho doubleteaming Shad. Is Smith ever getting in? Will Jericho's "negative push" ever end? Kidd back in. Cuts off a comeback attempt. Good big man/little man dynamic here. Both men down...JTG and Jericho in! Still no Smith! JTG drops Jericho! Jericho is looking like crap here. Near fall on a roll up! JTG off the ropes! OLD SCHOOL WALLS! THAT LOOKS SICK! JTG TAPS!! MY GOD! MARKING OUT FOR THE OLD SCHOOL WALLS!!!
Winners: CHRIS JERICHO & THE HARDY DYNASTY via submission on JTG (WALLS OF JERICHO)
- CM Punk and Luke Gallows are walking to the ring.
- Here comes Gallows and Punk after the break. YAWN. Why does Punk look like a junkie? I am so bored by Punk. Bo-ring. Bo-ring. Bo-ring. Bo-ring. Punk and Gallows have picked a plant out of the audience to "save". This plant is named James. Apparently they are cutting his hair...for some reason. Why's he gotta shave the guy's head when Punk's a shaggy bastard? I miss the days when Punk didn't have a microphone. Oh...God...he's promising another one next week. That just guaranteed I won't be recapping next week.
- Matt Hardy vs Luke Gallows, next.
LUKE GALLOWS (w/CM PUNK) vs MATT HARDY
- Hardy will also be on ECW Tuesday. Crowd very much behind Matt. Gallows bowls him over with a shoulderblock. Irish whip and a huge elbow. Misses a legdrop! Hardy puts the boots in and kills the leg. Hardy works the leg on the ropes. Single leg takedown...Hardy unloads with punches. Gallows suplex on the top rope! Huge underhand shot! Hardy on the floor. Into the apron! Again! Into the ring...back suplex! Chicken wing. With grapevine! Hardy fights back. Sunset flip, but Gallows kicks him in the head! Pummeling Hardy! Big knee. Gallows pummels Hardy. Hardy with a sleeper neckbreaker. Clothesline avalanche but thrown off on a bulldog. Tornado DDT by Hardy! Punk causes a distraction, setting up the GALLOWS POLL.
Winner: LUKE GALLOWS via pinfall (GALLOWS POLL or 12 STEP)
- Teddy Long is backstage with Maria, hyping that she's on Celebrity Apprentice. Vickie Guerrero shows up...Long slams her pretty good. Mattel WWE action figure pimping...this is much funnier with Triple H. Nice...the WWE Spinner belt plays Cena's music. Man...Long is BITTER sounding. Great Khali is here...for more action figure fun. Khali calls her a cow.
BETH PHOENIX vs LAYLA
- Crowd is unsure how to react to Beth. Recap of last week where Beth killed Layla and Michelle, and then Mickie. Beth sure looed pleased with herself watching the recap. Layla is trying to do her intro sequence, but is scared as hell. Begging for mercy. Beeth kills her with a shoulderblock! Canadian Backbreaker...spinning! Dump to the mat and Layla bails! Beth is calling Michelle in! Michelle throws Layla in! Layla begs off and lays in with kicks...but Beth takes back over! Layla sticks and moves with kicks, but gets dumped. By the hair...GLAM SLAM! She does it nice and slow, leetting Layla sell it the whole way! Michelle looks distraught!
Winner: BETH PHOENIX via pinfall (GLAM SLAM)
- Michelle entered the ring and then begged off...Layla grabs the leg and McCool with a cheap shot! Two on one! Mickie James for the save! McCool gets the upper hand...Beth slams Layla into McCool! Beth stares at Mickie...MICK KICK! Revenge for last week! Crowd pops!
- Nice little angle developing.
- Tyson on Raw/Bret Hart recap.
- Josh Matthews backstage with Drew McIntyre. Recap from Morrison getting DQed last week after McIntyre shoved Morrison into the ref. McIntyre is acting mildly delusional. Morrison interrupts. This whole segment is kinda awkward. Love Morrison's "accent". Morrison bowing up...McIntyre is backing down. NICE! Morrison SNAPS on McIntyre!
#1 Contender's Match
REY MISTERIO vs BATISTA
- Is Undertaker gonna show tonight? Dude has the lightest schedule of a WWE Champion at least since Hogan. Can we go straight to the non-finish, please? Rey slips and slides early...but runs into Batista's arms and gets crushed. HUGE whip into the corner. Batista is stalking and taunting Rey. Beating him on the mat. Big backbreaker. Batista just dominating Rey right now. Another corner toss...right into Rey's feet! Rey off the ropes...Batista catches him! No, Rey whips him down for a 619...Batista bails! Rey dives on him...Batista rams him into the corner to set up a commercial break.
- Back with both men fighting on the ropes. Batista gets kicked off, but Rey's too hurt to capitalize...no! Frog splash! But both men ARE down. Double count. More fighting on the floor during the break. Rey ducks a clothesline but springboards into a slam. Huge spinebuster. Batista sets up a spear...BOOM. Flexing instead of finishing him. Giving the Thumbs Down. GONGS! UNDERTAKER! Batista is laid out! Undertaker couldn't be bothered to show up! Both men fighting up...Rey hammers Batista! Bulldog! Batista for a slam...but no, Rey drops him again! Dropkick into ropes! 619! GONGS! UNDERTAKER STILL ISN'T HERE! Rey is down now! Crowd is turning on this! Where's the reg? Gongs AGAIN. Fulll eentrance! Crowd is going nuts now! But...a complete non-finish. Not even a UT appearance. SIGH.
Winner: No Contest.
- What a BS show. The Divas and Morrison were the only things saving this piece of crap.