- TNA...FEEL THE TRAINWRECK.
- Tonight, RVD, Sting and Jeff Hardy are supposed to be in the house, as well as Hogan and Abyss vs Flair and AJ Styles.
- Hogan and Bischoff took over TNA with fanfare back on January 4th, but as of last Thursday, they had dropped back to pre-Hogan ratings levels.
- New opening, focusing on some of the younger stars...well that's cool.
- The first five minutes are supposed to be SUPER eventful, and my friends have already been talking about the opening.
- Dixie Carter gets face time.
- Hogan and Abyss vs Flair and AJ is going to start?
HULK HOGAN & ABYSS vs RIC FLAIR & AJ STYLES
- Abyss heel turn in the first five minutes? Abyss has a red and yellow Anarchy "A" on his shirt. Nice. Brooke Hogan in the audience again. Hogan has the mic. I just noticed that Hogan's in red and yellow for the first time since returning...=P. Was that Desmond Wolfe in the crowd? Oh...he just looks like a fan. Nevermind. Hm. I'm showing that I'm 4 minutes in already. This is such a "not hot" opening. Good God Hogan is rambling. Here's AJ's music. Both in robes. This is surreal. CURTAIN JERKERS. Oh. Abyss and AJ to start. AJ ducks Abyss and goes on the attack, but Abyss overpowers him. Up in the air and down! Flair is in! Tie up and Flair chops Abyss...to no avail! Abyss lacces into Flair! Backdrop! Low blow! AJ wraps the robe around Abyss' head and beats on him! Pele on Hogan! The faces are just getting beaten down! Wow. The lights are out! STING!!! CRAP. Heel turn by Sting? CRAP. Yeah...he lays into Abyss and Hogan. Crap. Flair and AJ bail. No, here they come. Bat shot to Abyss, chair shot by AJ. Chair to Hogan by Flair. Crap. Please tell me this somehow makes sense. Sting's turned heel twice and it didn't work. Sting's walking away while Flair and AJ kill Hogan and Abyss. Security breaks them up. That then begs the question...was Sting in cahoots with them?
NO CONTEST
- Hogan is on the mic...apparently Hogan says they're gonna "finish this" before the night is over, in a no DQ match. Flair keeps "changing the rules", Hogan will keep "changing the game".
- Ugh. What is with the need to keep trying to get Sting to work as a heel?
- Recap of the Sting attack.
- Sting is walking backstage. Do they not have an interviewer? Dixie Carter gets in Sting's face and he shoves her against the wall. "I owe you nothing!"...hm?
- Borash is backstage with Flair and AJ. Flair looks very thoughtful. Flair has been awesome on the mic since coming back.
- Abyss is screaming "Why, Sting, why?!"...and looking very cheesy doing so. Sting jobbing to Abyss at Destination X?
- When the Hell IS Destination X?
- Seriously? Brooke Hogan is getting camera time tonight to act badly?
- KAZARIAN is in the ring. Suicide should attack him. Apparently, he's gonna resurrect the X Division. Good luck with that. He looks kinda like Gerard Butler from Phantom of the Opera.
- Daniels interrupts, apparently HE wants to be the lead X Division guy. Daniels has his first name back! How many "historic nights" does TNA have? "I Am X". Alright.
- Doug Williams is here, calling them both geezers. I'm shocked that they are getting character development. Huge "USA" chant. Three way match for the PPV? Daniels disrespects Kazarian. Calls Daniels a selfish prick. Here comes Bischoff.
- Bischoff claims that he likes the X Division. HA! Kazarian's getting his title match TONIGHT. In a triple threat! Another lame duck title change?
X Division Title Match
DANIELS VS KAZARIAN VS DOUG WILLIAMS
- 985 million spots with no meaning or psychology. This is your X Division. Kazarian rolls up Williams and hits a Northern Lights Suplex on Daniels. Apparently Generation Me and the Motor City Machine Guns will face off in the Ultimate X. Big suicide dive by Kazarian. Daniels hits a post and Kazarian kicks the leg out from under Williams, but misses a leg drop and gets a running knee. Dixie Carter has a huge announcement concerning Sting, apparently. Jawbreaker by Kazarian. STO by Daniels and a flip in elbow. DVD by Daniels. God I hate watching Daniels wrestle. And watching X Division matches. One thing I CAN say, its not like TNA's not giving this time to develop, even if I don't care. I think Kazarian just did a move for move Carlito sequence. Williiams finally ends it with the Chaos Theory.
Winner: DOUG WILLIAMS via pinfall (Chaos Theory on Daniels)
- Oh crap. Shannon Moore. Like anyone cares.
- Oh crap. Shannon Moore vs Doug Williams at Destination X? Shannon Moore? SERIOUSLY?
- Huge announcement concerning Sting. Dixie Carter is acting badly. Sting's wrestling tonight...against a mystery opponent? NEVER LET DIXIE TALK AGAIN.
- The Beautiful People are backstage.
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles
TAYLOR WILDE & SARITA vs THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (w/LACEY VON ERICH) vs TARA & ANGELINA LOVE
- Really? We gotta have the Knockouts Champion in this? Wilde and Sarita go after Love and Tara right off. Sarirta with a stunner off the ropes on Tara, but Sky gets a blind tag. They isolate Tara in their corner. Love is trying to get in as Sky and Rayne double team Tara. "She's not legal", referring to Angelina. That's kinda funny, as that's the reason she didn't get to continue in the original tournament. DAFFNEY~! attacks Tara!! The Beautiful People win!
Winners and NEW Knockouts Tag Team Champions: The Beautiful People via pinfall on Tara (Belt shot from Daffney)
- Daffney, Sky and Tara on my TV all at once equals awesome.
- Pope is backstage...Wolfe attacks!! He's destroying the ankle of The Pope with a chain!!
- Sting is WALKING.
- Taz gives it away by asking what Tenay was doing at 420 this afternoon.
- So Sting is coming back to job to RVD, or RVD is debuting to job to Sting? I know that this was a dream match for...one or the other. I honestly don't remember which one wanted to wrestle the other.
- The Beautiful People are celebrating backstage! Borash is trying to booze up The Beautiful People. Sky has bubbly going everywhere. Nice.
- Another Sting beatdown recap.
- Tenay and Tazz are utterly disgusted.
STING vs RVD...I mean, A MYSTERY OPPONENT.
- Audience members are still bowing to Sting. Is he gonna talk? Or is RVD just gonna come out. Ha! He howls and the crowd pops. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T TURN STING HEEL. You know what would have been cooler? If Sting hadn't come back. Sting's refusing to drop the bat. The crowd is already chanting "RVD". And so it is. Out of the crowd! Kick off the ropes from behind. Rolling Thunder. RVD squashes Srting. Awesome?
Winner: RVD via pinfall (Rolling Thunder)
- Sting with the bat !! He's killing RVD!! I mean he's destroying Van Dam! Clothesline with the bat! Sting shoves the ref...and he's going back for more! Blocks a punch and bat shot! Again! Across the back! Crowd finally gets a "You suck" going. He's tearing through referees now. Two refs down! He's going back agter RVD! Nails him again! nWo music! Oh, I mean Hogan music. And...Bubba? Sting smirks at Hogan. Sting says "let him go"! He hits RVD AGAIN. AGAIN. Sting is taunting Hogan and RVD gets up...and gets nailed! Hogan gets nailed! What the Hell is this? He's chasing Hogan! Going through security! He nails Hogan! KILL BUBBA!!!
- Tenay and Taz are telling me I'm supposed to be disgusted, but I kinda hate Hogan and RVD, so really, I think this is awesome. Sting hasn't looked this awesome since...what...'97?
- Weird cut to Bischoff.
- Here comes Kevin Nash and Eric Young...aren't we due for a commercial soon?
- Nash steps over the top rope! THE QUAD HOLDS!
- I see Nash is rocking the hair dye a little bit. Apparently Eric Young gets to carry Nash, Hall and Waltman. Good luck, dude. Nash calls them out to accept the challenge. Here comes the commercials.
- They are heading to the ring!
- They're sure burning time.
- Security has stopped selling the bat shots. Fire those guys. Hall with the "Hey Yo". Awww...Nash is "Big Sellout". Hall implies that Sting's beatdown of Hogan might mean Hogan's not in charge. Hall's got some nice self-deprecation. Apparently Hall and Waltman will take the match, if they can get contracts for winning. Bischoff's gonna go along with it, because this will tie back into the last two months worth of storytelling. Hmm..."I'll be the one that looks like Elvis" "Alive or dead?" That was cute, and Ia nod to the Kings of Wrestling. Young gets slapped and unloads on Waltman!! Bischoff turns Young loose on Waltman!!!
ERIC YOUNG vs SEAN WALTMAN
- Holy God Young is on fire! Waltman fails to go over the top rope, so Young with a backdrop and he rams Waltman into the mat. Spinning heel kick by Waltman! Misses the Bronco Buster! PILEDRIVER!!!
Winner: Eric Young via pinfall (PILEDRIVER)
- That was pretty sweet. Young needs to be made to look like a star for this whole thing to be worth it.
- A US Army Humvee. I guess this has something to do with Angle and Mr. Anderson?
- This will take all I can do not to fast forward. Army men line up at the entrance for Angle. I could not care less about this. I am ready for Angle to retire, and, like, last year.
- I. Just. Don't. Care. About Angle. I did it. I hit fast forward. I get that he's respecting the soldiers...and that's cool. BUT SERIOUSLY. I CAN'T STAND ANGLE. Apparently Angle is wrestling Anderson at Destination X.
- Anderson is backstage on the monitor, mocking the soldiers are being high school dropouts...but Angle apparently beat feet to the backstage in record time! THAT was cool. Anderson nails him with the Warrior Medal. Angerson is wearing a Captain America shirt. Soldiers block him from walking away! Angle yanks him in the ring! Beats him down! The soldiers swarm on him! To the other side! To another side of the ring! Angle Slam! He spits on Anderson and hoists an American flag overhead. Soldiers hoist him on their shoulders.
- Not bad, for an Angle segment.
- Crap. Bubba is backstage with Hogan. Blahblah, Hogan doesn't wanna go out there, blahblah. Earl Hebner busts in, wanting a second chance. Apparently Earl Hebner deserves a second chance. Crap. More Hogan family drama. Earl is gonna referee, and he promises he will stop the match if it gets out of control. Ooookay.
- Generation Me or Motor City Machine Guns will become #1 Contenders to the tag team titles.
- Hall and Waltman face Nash and Young for a contract.
- Mr. Anderson vs Angle.
- AJ Styles defends the title against Abyss.
- Jarrett! I guess he's taking on Beer Money in a handicap match? So...Beer Money are heels now? Storm was acting heelish, and cheapshotted Jarrett...and Roode from behind. I'm...confused.
- Nice TNA Live.com commercial, with SoCal Val looking hot and wet, and Borash looking like a doof.
- Back from the break, Beer Money are killing Jarrett. Apparently this is a handicap match with Foley as ref.
Special Referee Mick Foley
JEFF JARRETT vs BEER MONEY
- Jarrett rallies back and gets Storm down, but runs into a spinebuster by Roode! Double team slingshot DDT. Apparently they are doing this to get noticed...I thought Hernandez asked for them to have a tag title match? Eye of the Storm by James Storm, crowd is slowly turning on them. Storm beer mists Roode on accident! Jarrett ducks a beer bottle annd backdrops Roode! Sends Storm over the ropes! Jarrett goes after them...noggin knocker! Double team gets Jarrett as he tries to get in the ring. Mick retrieves the barbed wire bat and gives it to Jarrett! Slick Johnson takes the bat! Roode low blow! Spike powerbomb!
Winners: BEER MONEY via pinfall (SPIKE POWERBOMB)
- Well...that felt very random.
- Hogan and Abyss are arguing over who should start the match, and Brooke is here acting very badly. This is excruciating.
- Where's Jeff Hardy?
- Where are the Tag Team Champions?
- Hogan is "promising" that this is his last match.
- DON'T SAY IT IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT.
- Flair and AJ feel cocky.
- Appparently the main event is brought to you by Rent-A-Center.
NO DQ
RIC FLAIR & AJ STYLES vs HULK HOGAN & ABYSS
- Final commercial break before it gets started.
- Flair vs Hogan to start. Hogan's not really selling anything. Flair and Abyss did this same sequence earlier. Hogan and Flair slowly fighting on the floor. Flair is bloody. Biting Flair. Flair is CRIMSON. Hogan selling nothing. Eye poke. Abyss goes after Flair! AJ backs away from Hogan. Hogan takes the weight lifting belt to Flair! I liked this earlier when Flair and AJ were in charge. Low blow on Hogan! AJ is in! AJ goes after the leg of Hogan. AJ jaws at Brooke as he rams Hogan into the post. Hogan is bloody now. Flair on the attack as Abyss tries to get in. He tags AJ back in. Unloading on Hogan. Abyss is reaching hard for the tag, Flair and AJ with the double team. Flair goes up.. this never ends well! Slam off the top! Both men reaching for the tag! Abyss and AJ are in! Abyss unloads! Double chokeslam, they block! He double clotheslines them! Avalanche on AJ! On Flair! Chokeslam on AJ! Chokeslam on Flair! He's wearing the ring! AJ fights back! Hogan and Flair are going at it on the floor! Springboard forearm by AJ! Abyss is trying to Hulk Up! Double Hulk Up! Double boot! Hogan whips AJ into the Black Hole Slam!
Winners: ABYSS & HULK HOGAN via pinfall (BLACKHOLE SLAM on AJ)
- Desmond Wolfe nails Abyss with a chair! Hogan blocks the chair, Flair with a chop block! Here comes The Pope! AJ brings him down! And HERE is Jeff Hardy. Yuck. Falcon Arrow on Wolfe. Twist of Fate on AJ. They cut away before the Swanton.
- Um...that was random. WAY more coherent than the January 4th show, oddly. Who the Hell am I supposed to be cheering and booing? Good to see they remembered that they have a PPV coming up. I will give them credit, the show felt more energetic than Raw did. And that was the best use of RVD I have ever seen in my life.
The Proof Is In the Fun
Showing posts with label TNA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TNA. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Tommy's Take on: TNA Impact 1/28/10
Now for Impact.
Last week, Angle got to relive the Montreal screwjob. AJ Styles officially joined Flair, and Mick Foley bloodied Eric Bischoff, who fired him.
- Will tonight's main event also be Angle vs Styles?
- Angle has "quit" and Foley is "fired"...does this mmean TNA originals will get time on the air?
- "Cross the Line" video package.
- "I flew 6000 miles for TNA". Loser.
- Some kind of tournament at Against All Odds? I couldn't hear what Taz said.
- Bischoff and Hogan to the ring. Bischoff isn't showing any bandages or stitches.
- I bet they planted the "4 Sides 4 Life" sign.
- Is that Sean Waltman in the crowd?
- Why is Hogan calling out Foley? I thought Foley was fired? Either way, here he is.
- Is Foley taller than I thought, or has Hogan shrank?
- Nice...Hogan's going to "work things out" right here. Hogan's saying Foley has potential, but they can make him work.
- Foley is claiming that he didn't touch Eric. Nice...Bischoff not looking rough is a plot point. Good show. Foley pointing out that he would have torn Bischoff up. Hogan telling Foley to work it out or walk.
- Hogan's music hits...I'm confused. "Work it out, or walk out. That's up to Bischoff." I don't think that segment made any sense.
- Crap. Bubba the Love Sponge and Jeff Jarrett. Can they PLEASE get rid of Bubba?
- Mr. Anderson and Christy Hemme backstage. She calls him "Ken", and he gets offended. Anderson doesn't have a match, so he has to "book" himself. Issuing an open challenge to anyone: Sting, The Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money, Samoa Joe or even Hemme. But he REALLY wants Abyss. Might be a good idea for someone lower on the card than Abyss to answer the call.
- I used to like that guy...but he's kinda worn off on me.
- An "8 Card Stud Tournament" to determine a #1 Contender to the TNA title...but Lashley still has a shot he hasn't cashed in, and Joe has a shot HE hasn't cashed in...
8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DESMOND WOLFE (w/Chelsea) vs SEAN MORELY
- Two of the blandest looking men on the roster. Awesome. Chelsea's cute. Quick cuts to women in the audience...are they supposed to look put off? Isn't he the face? Wolfe's new tights are an improvement. I notice that both men are bald and wearing purple. Wolfe unloads, chops to the throat, boot choke. Hernandez faces Daniels in this tournament as well. Wolfe is working over the arm. Wristlock brings him down. Wolfe has both arms locked, but Morley rolls through. Morely fights back....armbar takedown. Wolfe charges into a boot! Morely fires back with his good arm and hits a one arm neckbreaker. I can't help but notice that Morely's offense looks identical to Hardy's from Superstars. Morely goes for the Money Shot...Wolfe cuts him off! TOWER OF LONDON!
Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall. (TOWER OF LONDON)
- Can we get a Chelsea photoshoot?
- Jarrett barges in on Hogan and Bischoff, minus an attorney. Jarrett's backpedaling on his tirade from two weeks ago. Hogan seems accepting, Bischoff is skeptical. Jarrett's offering to start over from the bottom of the ladder. Wait...are they throwing Ken Anderson vs Jeff Jarrett out this week with no build? Either they have no confidence in either man, or they still hate money. Bischoff's still doing his movie villain crap after people leave his office. I'm confused...did Jarrett just turn face again?
- Screwjob recap.
- Back in AJ's locker room, they're looking at suits. Apparently AJ is sitting on the belt for 30 days. Its funny, because when Flair was champion back in the day, he was the hardest working champion in wrestling.
8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DANIELS vs HERNANDEZ
- Will anyone with hair get in this tournament? Daniels attacks at the beginning. TNA needs to remove all of their hexagonal graphics. Hernandez with a delayed suplex. Daniels tries for a sunset flip but Hernandez just stands there...then flips him overhead. Daniels takes over with an eye gouge and enzuigiri. Good. I'm tired of guys twice Daniels size selling his power offense. Daniels grounds Hernandez. Jawbreaker staggers him for an STO and then a moonsault! Angel's Wings? Backdrop! Daniels sends him to the floor. Slingshot shoulderblock back in! Hernandez on fire! Biel! Misses a charge. This is looking a little sloppy. Both men up top...Daniels thrown off! Misses a splash! School boy with feet on the ropes, but he kicks out! Daniels is so screwed. Huge shoulder from Hernandez. Border Toss coming...no! Dominator!
Winner: HERNANDEZ via pinfall (DOMINATOR)
- Two men are in...Hernandez and Wolfe. Nothing special.
- Dear God. Mike Tenay is mediating Team 3D and The Nasty Boys.
- Beautiful People preparing backstage. They take on Tara, Kong and Hamada later on.
- Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys at Against All Odds. EW. Ya know, Sags no longer has a mullet at least. Knobbs does. Security seperates them. I just can't believe annyone thinks this is a good idea. The Nastys have only been "missing" for ten years?
- Really? SAGS just called Brother Ray fat?
- Really? D-Von just called The Nastys fat? Team 3D have been in TNA for five year already?
- I don't like Team 3D, but Knobbs and Sags are just embarrassing next to Team 3D. Crowd gives a mild reaction to the idea that they want to see this match.
- That's the best reason not to watch the match.
- Hemme interviewing The Beautiful People. Hemme goes straight to Angelina Love being back. Are they really building to Lacey vs Angelina? It should really be Love vs Sky...Sky is definitely the more forceful personality there.
- Lashley is talking to Bischoff again. Bischoff fires him. So...we spend two weeks with Lashley demanding his release...they ignore him. He changes his tune...and they fire him? What?
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs AWESOME KONG, HAMADA & TARA
- Kong, Hamada and Tara have all the belts between them. Tara and Kong have been known to have issues as well. The Beautiful People are scared on the floor, because of the spider. Madison Rayne will be starting off against Hamada. Rayne tries to ignore her, and Hamada hits some slow motion kicks and headbutts. Hamada ropewalks Rayne's arm and then hits an armdrag. Rayne reverses and tags Velvet, who tags Lacey...who tags Rayne...who will probably take the pin. Hamada gets free and tags Tara. Tara with a slam and she steps on Rayne before hitting a moonsault. Sky kicks Tara on an irish whip. and Tara gets isolated in the Beautiful People corner. Double hair takedown by Sky and Tara. Kong is in! Rayne is dead! Double clothesline doesn't budge Kong! Hamada back in...cleaning house with whiffed kicks. Tara slams Lacey...Hamada moonsault! Rayne with the Ugly Stick on Hamada!
Winners: THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE via Rayne pinfall on Hamada (Ugly Stick)
- They attack Tara with the Ugly Stick! Love is in cleaning house!
- Not a good match at all.
- Hogan has Earl Hebner backstage...Hebner is claiming Angle tapped, Hogan is calling BS. They are actively referencing Montreal. Seriously? Hebner is actively taking credit for screwing Bret, and says Flair paid him off...and Hogan suspends him? That's not a fireable offense? Well...this IS TNA.
- Just embarrasingly bad. There's no logic there, and it is clearly piggybacking off of the Bret-Vince angle...because TNA doesn't have anything else.
- Angle is here? I thought he quit?
- Flair is backstage with AJ...who looks like he's never seen a girl before. Wow. AJ is just so unnatural here. There's talk that he's dying his hair soon.
- UGH. Bubba tracks down Mick Foley. Why is he here? Foley is optimistic that he'll be alright, no matter what happens with Bischoff.
- UGH. Angle. I don't want to hear this. Seriously...I thought he quit? Hogan has given Angle a chance to qualify for the 8 Card Stud Qualifier. There just really was no point to the "Angle gets no more shots" bit, huh? Angle claims the fans are disappointed in AJ, but they don't sound like they fully agree. This from the asshat who was in charge of The Main Event Mafia. Now we're getting the "Flair doesn't care" bit, and he wants to strip AJ of his "innocence". Um...AJ's already had about three heel turns. I'm really sick of the idea of AJ vs Angle, myself.
- SIGH. Hogan. Where's Eric Young? Or Beer Money? Raven and Daffney? Sorry...tuning out here. I don't like either one of these bald bastards. Angle's apologizing for accusing Hogan of being involved in the screwjob, I guess.
- Waltman attacks Angle! Here comes Hall! Waltman with the Bolo Legdrop! COINCIDENCE?!
- Security running off Hall and Waltman. Appparently quitting or being fired means you get to be on TV every week.
BRIAN KENDRICK & THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs GENERATION ME & AMAZING RED
- Red is X Division champion. Most of the guys in this match are smaller than me. Kendrick, apparently, isn't getting along with Shelley or Sabin. Big, choreographed X Division spots. One, I don't type fast enough to keep up and two, if they're not going to sell anything, why should I? Kendrick pins Red with a cradle after a blind tag.
Winners: MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS & BRIAN KENDRICK via pinfall on Red (Kendrick cradle)
- Here comes The British Invasion! Beating down Red! Rob Terry with a choke slam! Terry's going to cash in the X Division shot, Brutus Magnus cuts him off!
X Division Title Match
AMAZING RED vs DOUG WILLIAMS
- Back from the break, apparently Magnus made Terry give Doug Williams the X Division title shot! CHAOS THEORY on Red! New champion!
Winner: DOUG WILLIAMS via pinfall (Chaos Theory)
- Jarrett's really starting to show his age.
- The Money in the Bank gimmick is fine...in WWE. I'd like to see TNA do something a little more original.
- Foley and Bischoff backstage, with Foley trying to get Eric to reveal how he got busted open. Foley launches into a story about his son crapping at Chuck E. Cheese's. Foley would rather clean up crap than work for Bischoff. So...now Bischoff is leveraging Abyss and Borash to make Foley remain working there? I'm confused with who they are trying to keep and who they're trying to fire.
- Bischoff barges in on Flair, Styles and the women. AJ! What about your wife and kids?! Your Christian values! Apparently Flair's contract is air tight. AJ will be working at Against All Odds...but Bischoff won't tell him against who.
- Where's Samoa Joe?
- Main event is next.
MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF JARRETT
- This could be very generic. Crowd is crapping all over Anderson, and I think its X-Pac heat. Jarrett gets no music or video, and is slapping hands...so...did they reverse the heel turn? Anderson backpedals early on. Jarrett has to remember for a second that he's working face. Jarrett's looking winded? As that selling the "ring rust" or is that legit?
- Back from the break and Anderson is beating Jarrett down, ramming his arm into the ringsteps. Hammerlock...and drop on the mat. Main event armbar. Sleeper by Anderson...Jarrett blocks...top wristlock by Anderson. Jarrett fights up...shoulderblock by Anderson. Sorry...this thing really is bland. Anderson up top...misses the Swanton! Even my son sees the end coming...and he barely watches wrestling. Jarrett rallies...Stroke! Low blow by Anderson! Small package!
Winner: MISTER ANDERSON via pinfall (small package)
- Bischoff was pleased backstage. That match was very, very "blah".
- Anderson attacks post match! Beating Jarrett down! He's waiting on Jarrett to get up...sizing him up...Mic Check (flatliner). No Abyss? Bischoff does the evil movie villain thing again.
- I still don't know what to make of TNA. No Eric Young, no Beer Money, no Samoa Joe. TONS of Bischoff and Hogan. Anderson-Jarrett was incredibly bland. I can't imagine people who want to see Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys...honestly, there just wasn't much to enjoy in this episode.
Last week, Angle got to relive the Montreal screwjob. AJ Styles officially joined Flair, and Mick Foley bloodied Eric Bischoff, who fired him.
- Will tonight's main event also be Angle vs Styles?
- Angle has "quit" and Foley is "fired"...does this mmean TNA originals will get time on the air?
- "Cross the Line" video package.
- "I flew 6000 miles for TNA". Loser.
- Some kind of tournament at Against All Odds? I couldn't hear what Taz said.
- Bischoff and Hogan to the ring. Bischoff isn't showing any bandages or stitches.
- I bet they planted the "4 Sides 4 Life" sign.
- Is that Sean Waltman in the crowd?
- Why is Hogan calling out Foley? I thought Foley was fired? Either way, here he is.
- Is Foley taller than I thought, or has Hogan shrank?
- Nice...Hogan's going to "work things out" right here. Hogan's saying Foley has potential, but they can make him work.
- Foley is claiming that he didn't touch Eric. Nice...Bischoff not looking rough is a plot point. Good show. Foley pointing out that he would have torn Bischoff up. Hogan telling Foley to work it out or walk.
- Hogan's music hits...I'm confused. "Work it out, or walk out. That's up to Bischoff." I don't think that segment made any sense.
- Crap. Bubba the Love Sponge and Jeff Jarrett. Can they PLEASE get rid of Bubba?
- Mr. Anderson and Christy Hemme backstage. She calls him "Ken", and he gets offended. Anderson doesn't have a match, so he has to "book" himself. Issuing an open challenge to anyone: Sting, The Motor City Machine Guns, Beer Money, Samoa Joe or even Hemme. But he REALLY wants Abyss. Might be a good idea for someone lower on the card than Abyss to answer the call.
- I used to like that guy...but he's kinda worn off on me.
- An "8 Card Stud Tournament" to determine a #1 Contender to the TNA title...but Lashley still has a shot he hasn't cashed in, and Joe has a shot HE hasn't cashed in...
8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DESMOND WOLFE (w/Chelsea) vs SEAN MORELY
- Two of the blandest looking men on the roster. Awesome. Chelsea's cute. Quick cuts to women in the audience...are they supposed to look put off? Isn't he the face? Wolfe's new tights are an improvement. I notice that both men are bald and wearing purple. Wolfe unloads, chops to the throat, boot choke. Hernandez faces Daniels in this tournament as well. Wolfe is working over the arm. Wristlock brings him down. Wolfe has both arms locked, but Morley rolls through. Morely fights back....armbar takedown. Wolfe charges into a boot! Morely fires back with his good arm and hits a one arm neckbreaker. I can't help but notice that Morely's offense looks identical to Hardy's from Superstars. Morely goes for the Money Shot...Wolfe cuts him off! TOWER OF LONDON!
Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall. (TOWER OF LONDON)
- Can we get a Chelsea photoshoot?
- Jarrett barges in on Hogan and Bischoff, minus an attorney. Jarrett's backpedaling on his tirade from two weeks ago. Hogan seems accepting, Bischoff is skeptical. Jarrett's offering to start over from the bottom of the ladder. Wait...are they throwing Ken Anderson vs Jeff Jarrett out this week with no build? Either they have no confidence in either man, or they still hate money. Bischoff's still doing his movie villain crap after people leave his office. I'm confused...did Jarrett just turn face again?
- Screwjob recap.
- Back in AJ's locker room, they're looking at suits. Apparently AJ is sitting on the belt for 30 days. Its funny, because when Flair was champion back in the day, he was the hardest working champion in wrestling.
8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifier
DANIELS vs HERNANDEZ
- Will anyone with hair get in this tournament? Daniels attacks at the beginning. TNA needs to remove all of their hexagonal graphics. Hernandez with a delayed suplex. Daniels tries for a sunset flip but Hernandez just stands there...then flips him overhead. Daniels takes over with an eye gouge and enzuigiri. Good. I'm tired of guys twice Daniels size selling his power offense. Daniels grounds Hernandez. Jawbreaker staggers him for an STO and then a moonsault! Angel's Wings? Backdrop! Daniels sends him to the floor. Slingshot shoulderblock back in! Hernandez on fire! Biel! Misses a charge. This is looking a little sloppy. Both men up top...Daniels thrown off! Misses a splash! School boy with feet on the ropes, but he kicks out! Daniels is so screwed. Huge shoulder from Hernandez. Border Toss coming...no! Dominator!
Winner: HERNANDEZ via pinfall (DOMINATOR)
- Two men are in...Hernandez and Wolfe. Nothing special.
- Dear God. Mike Tenay is mediating Team 3D and The Nasty Boys.
- Beautiful People preparing backstage. They take on Tara, Kong and Hamada later on.
- Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys at Against All Odds. EW. Ya know, Sags no longer has a mullet at least. Knobbs does. Security seperates them. I just can't believe annyone thinks this is a good idea. The Nastys have only been "missing" for ten years?
- Really? SAGS just called Brother Ray fat?
- Really? D-Von just called The Nastys fat? Team 3D have been in TNA for five year already?
- I don't like Team 3D, but Knobbs and Sags are just embarrassing next to Team 3D. Crowd gives a mild reaction to the idea that they want to see this match.
- That's the best reason not to watch the match.
- Hemme interviewing The Beautiful People. Hemme goes straight to Angelina Love being back. Are they really building to Lacey vs Angelina? It should really be Love vs Sky...Sky is definitely the more forceful personality there.
- Lashley is talking to Bischoff again. Bischoff fires him. So...we spend two weeks with Lashley demanding his release...they ignore him. He changes his tune...and they fire him? What?
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs AWESOME KONG, HAMADA & TARA
- Kong, Hamada and Tara have all the belts between them. Tara and Kong have been known to have issues as well. The Beautiful People are scared on the floor, because of the spider. Madison Rayne will be starting off against Hamada. Rayne tries to ignore her, and Hamada hits some slow motion kicks and headbutts. Hamada ropewalks Rayne's arm and then hits an armdrag. Rayne reverses and tags Velvet, who tags Lacey...who tags Rayne...who will probably take the pin. Hamada gets free and tags Tara. Tara with a slam and she steps on Rayne before hitting a moonsault. Sky kicks Tara on an irish whip. and Tara gets isolated in the Beautiful People corner. Double hair takedown by Sky and Tara. Kong is in! Rayne is dead! Double clothesline doesn't budge Kong! Hamada back in...cleaning house with whiffed kicks. Tara slams Lacey...Hamada moonsault! Rayne with the Ugly Stick on Hamada!
Winners: THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE via Rayne pinfall on Hamada (Ugly Stick)
- They attack Tara with the Ugly Stick! Love is in cleaning house!
- Not a good match at all.
- Hogan has Earl Hebner backstage...Hebner is claiming Angle tapped, Hogan is calling BS. They are actively referencing Montreal. Seriously? Hebner is actively taking credit for screwing Bret, and says Flair paid him off...and Hogan suspends him? That's not a fireable offense? Well...this IS TNA.
- Just embarrasingly bad. There's no logic there, and it is clearly piggybacking off of the Bret-Vince angle...because TNA doesn't have anything else.
- Angle is here? I thought he quit?
- Flair is backstage with AJ...who looks like he's never seen a girl before. Wow. AJ is just so unnatural here. There's talk that he's dying his hair soon.
- UGH. Bubba tracks down Mick Foley. Why is he here? Foley is optimistic that he'll be alright, no matter what happens with Bischoff.
- UGH. Angle. I don't want to hear this. Seriously...I thought he quit? Hogan has given Angle a chance to qualify for the 8 Card Stud Qualifier. There just really was no point to the "Angle gets no more shots" bit, huh? Angle claims the fans are disappointed in AJ, but they don't sound like they fully agree. This from the asshat who was in charge of The Main Event Mafia. Now we're getting the "Flair doesn't care" bit, and he wants to strip AJ of his "innocence". Um...AJ's already had about three heel turns. I'm really sick of the idea of AJ vs Angle, myself.
- SIGH. Hogan. Where's Eric Young? Or Beer Money? Raven and Daffney? Sorry...tuning out here. I don't like either one of these bald bastards. Angle's apologizing for accusing Hogan of being involved in the screwjob, I guess.
- Waltman attacks Angle! Here comes Hall! Waltman with the Bolo Legdrop! COINCIDENCE?!
- Security running off Hall and Waltman. Appparently quitting or being fired means you get to be on TV every week.
BRIAN KENDRICK & THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS vs GENERATION ME & AMAZING RED
- Red is X Division champion. Most of the guys in this match are smaller than me. Kendrick, apparently, isn't getting along with Shelley or Sabin. Big, choreographed X Division spots. One, I don't type fast enough to keep up and two, if they're not going to sell anything, why should I? Kendrick pins Red with a cradle after a blind tag.
Winners: MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS & BRIAN KENDRICK via pinfall on Red (Kendrick cradle)
- Here comes The British Invasion! Beating down Red! Rob Terry with a choke slam! Terry's going to cash in the X Division shot, Brutus Magnus cuts him off!
X Division Title Match
AMAZING RED vs DOUG WILLIAMS
- Back from the break, apparently Magnus made Terry give Doug Williams the X Division title shot! CHAOS THEORY on Red! New champion!
Winner: DOUG WILLIAMS via pinfall (Chaos Theory)
- Jarrett's really starting to show his age.
- The Money in the Bank gimmick is fine...in WWE. I'd like to see TNA do something a little more original.
- Foley and Bischoff backstage, with Foley trying to get Eric to reveal how he got busted open. Foley launches into a story about his son crapping at Chuck E. Cheese's. Foley would rather clean up crap than work for Bischoff. So...now Bischoff is leveraging Abyss and Borash to make Foley remain working there? I'm confused with who they are trying to keep and who they're trying to fire.
- Bischoff barges in on Flair, Styles and the women. AJ! What about your wife and kids?! Your Christian values! Apparently Flair's contract is air tight. AJ will be working at Against All Odds...but Bischoff won't tell him against who.
- Where's Samoa Joe?
- Main event is next.
MR. ANDERSON vs JEFF JARRETT
- This could be very generic. Crowd is crapping all over Anderson, and I think its X-Pac heat. Jarrett gets no music or video, and is slapping hands...so...did they reverse the heel turn? Anderson backpedals early on. Jarrett has to remember for a second that he's working face. Jarrett's looking winded? As that selling the "ring rust" or is that legit?
- Back from the break and Anderson is beating Jarrett down, ramming his arm into the ringsteps. Hammerlock...and drop on the mat. Main event armbar. Sleeper by Anderson...Jarrett blocks...top wristlock by Anderson. Jarrett fights up...shoulderblock by Anderson. Sorry...this thing really is bland. Anderson up top...misses the Swanton! Even my son sees the end coming...and he barely watches wrestling. Jarrett rallies...Stroke! Low blow by Anderson! Small package!
Winner: MISTER ANDERSON via pinfall (small package)
- Bischoff was pleased backstage. That match was very, very "blah".
- Anderson attacks post match! Beating Jarrett down! He's waiting on Jarrett to get up...sizing him up...Mic Check (flatliner). No Abyss? Bischoff does the evil movie villain thing again.
- I still don't know what to make of TNA. No Eric Young, no Beer Money, no Samoa Joe. TONS of Bischoff and Hogan. Anderson-Jarrett was incredibly bland. I can't imagine people who want to see Team 3D vs The Nasty Boys...honestly, there just wasn't much to enjoy in this episode.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Tommy's TNA Genesis 2010 Preview
TNA Genesis airs tonight, and it is the first PPV of the Hogan Era. It has been set up entirely by the last two weeks of television, so...not a lot of build. TNA has announced the final card which, of course, is subject to change. I'll break it down match by match, and give you my thoughts.
D'ANGELO DINERO vs DESMOND WOLFE
Backstory: Desmond Wolfe faced The Pope on the January 4th Impact and got pinned in a fluke roll-up. This week, he beat Samoa Joe, and taunted Dinero who was providing commentary. That's...pretty much it. Their match on Impact was pretty good. Wolfe is a great technical wrestler and Dinero is very athletic. Their match lost something when Dinero kept forgetting to sell his arm, which was the point of Wolfe's offense. One other x-factor to note is that Dinero had a run-in with Orlando Jordan on the January 4th Impact, and Jordan was mentioned again this week, so I would expect him to play a role in the finish of this bout.
Winner: Desmond Wolfe due to Orlando Jordan shenanigans.
SEAN MORELY vs DANIELS
Backstory: Morely, of course, is the former Val Venis. He debuted in TNA on January 4th doing a straight riff on the Venis gimmick, but this week he had morphed into an "Artiste". He claimed to be the leading internet distributor of fine cinema, which is kind of insulting in this day and age, and he wanted to launch the TNA Film Division. Daniels came out, acting like a fan boy, before laying him out with his patented offense that looks ridiculous on a guy that much larger than him. The TNA crowd popped for that, but Daniels - like a good soldier - heeled out...we're supposed to take the wrestling purist as the heel and the film maker as a face. All that said, this could be a good bout if they are given any time to work with. Expect Daniels to eat the fall, though.
Winner: Sean Morely.
ABYSS vs BOBBY LASHLEY
- Lashley is trying to get out of his TNA contract so he can focus on MMA. Hogan, apparently, is refusing...despite telling EVERYBODY that they have to "earn" their spots. To further muddy the waters, Hogan is giving interviews talking about how he's going to force Lashley to put TNA first. On Impact this week, Lashley destroyed Lethal Consequences and threatened to keep destroying the TNA roster until he gets his release. In response, Hogan and Bischoff have pitted Lashley against Abyss. Personally, I think it's a bait and switch: Lashley attacks Abyss before the match, demolishing him, and his wife cuts another heat generating promo.
Winner: No match, but Lashley is the only one left standing.
BEER MONEY, INC. vs SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH
- Beer Money got laid out on the January 4th Impact, apparently by Hall, Nash and Waltman doing their best nWo impression. This week, they demanded a match with Hall and Nash, and Bischoff has granted it. There was a brawl on Impact this week that turned into a 3 on 2 thanks to Waltman before Bischoff ended the fight. Hall and Nash, of course, were The Outsiders - a major tag team with no real accomplishment other than killing the WCW tag team division. Beer Money, Inc. consists of, arguably, the two best tag team wrestlers in TNA's history. That said, there is no way The Band is losing this fast. Beer Money's putting them over, with the justification that they have to "build a story".
Winners: Hall and Nash.
TNA X Division Championship
Amazing Red (c) vs To Be Determined
- Red has been the invisible X Division champion for a few months. His one appearance the last two weeks was the cluster of a Steel Asylum match that garnered Bullsh*t chants. No speculation on who his opponent is, but look to Red dropping the belt. My money's on Sean Waltman, personally.
Winner: Not Amazing Red.
TNA Knockouts Championship - Best Two out of Three Falls
ODB(c) vs Tara
- These two have had an issue for several weeks, with ODB pinning Tara with a handful of tights on the January 4th Impact to end a second short Knockouts title reign. The bad news is, that match was pretty bad. The worse news is, this match is best two out of three falls. Let's hope they work out the kinks this go around.
Winner: Too close to call, as I'm not sure Hogan and Bischoff consider the Knockouts division to be a priority.
TNA Tag Team Championship
THE BRITISH INVASION(c) vs MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ
- The British Invasion have been invisible on TV the last two weeks. Morgan and Hernandez squashed Raven and Dr. Stevie in order to win the title opportunity. On Impact this week, they were attacked by Rob Terry, the manager/bodyguard of The British Invasion. I would say there's a terribly good chance that Morgan and Hernandez are winning some gold.
Winners: Morgan/Hernandez and its not even close.
TNA World Heavyweight Title Match/Angle's Last Shot At Styles In 2010
AJ STYLES(c) vs KURT ANGLE
- AJ pinned Angle in a fatal four way to win the title, and Angle had AJ locked in the Ankle Lock at the time limit on an Impact rematch. It took months for Angle to get his title match, but it happened on the January 4th Impact, when AJ pinned Angle clean, even after being attacked by Tomko during the match. Hogan declared Styles and Angle the two best wrestlers in the world, and they made a rematch for Genesis. On Impact this week, Tomko attacked AJ again, and got a title shot, but failed to win. Ric Flair has been watching Styles for the last two weeks as well, and Styles was acting a little, well, heelish last week. "Last Shot" stips usually mean a title change, but - especially if AJ does turn heel at Genesis - then AJ winning really makes sense, as it gives Kurt a reason for serious frustration. I think AJ does retain, as his push is what Hogan and Bischoff are using to justify bringing in the Hogan Australian tour.
Winner: AJ Styles with shenanigans.
The Debut of TNA's Newest Talent Acquisition
- Scott Hall, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Sean Waltman, Ric Flair, Orlando Jordan, Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore and The Nasty Boys all debuted on January 4th. Hogan is pushing a huge acquisition for Genesis. Speculation seems to be Ken "Kennedy" Anderson or Rob Van Dam, arguably the two largest free agents in wrestling right now. A looong shot would be the arrival of Shane McMahon, who left the WWE on January 1st...however, he seems far more interested in MMA than wrestling at this point.
Conspicuous by Their Absence
- Sting has been watching "The Band" from the rafters the last two weeks, and they ran an angle where he was ticked about Hogan coming in...which is weird, because the last time Hogan and Sting were in WCW together, they were on the same side.
- The Nasty Boys spent two weeks trashing Team 3D's locker room, and attacked them this week. No match has been announced, but I bet we at least get a backstage fight.
- TNA Global Champion Eric Young hasn't been seen for more than just seconds the last few weeks and isn't on the card.
- Samoa Joe choked out Abyss on January 4th and jobbed clean to Desmond Wolfe, but isn't on the PPV despite having a title shot, if The Hogan Regime doesn't ignore Feast or Fired.
- The Beautiful People exploded on Impact this week, with Angelina Love returning and attacking them...but they aren't scheduled for the PPV.
- The TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Kong and HAmada are also not on the card.
- Rhino was supposed to wrestle Abyss January 4th and was laid out. However, he hasn't come back seeking revenge and isn't on the card.
- Jeff Jarrett cut a very face-ish promo on Impact January 4th and Hogan tried to out-face him and utterly failed...so Jarrett did a full heel turn this week. Despite being told he would have to "earn his spot", he's not scheduled for the show.
- Mick Foley is MIA, but that's his gimmick right now.
That pretty much covers all the bases for this PPV. To be honest, I haven't seen anything compelling enough to make me want to order it these last two weeks, but your mileage may vary.
D'ANGELO DINERO vs DESMOND WOLFE
Backstory: Desmond Wolfe faced The Pope on the January 4th Impact and got pinned in a fluke roll-up. This week, he beat Samoa Joe, and taunted Dinero who was providing commentary. That's...pretty much it. Their match on Impact was pretty good. Wolfe is a great technical wrestler and Dinero is very athletic. Their match lost something when Dinero kept forgetting to sell his arm, which was the point of Wolfe's offense. One other x-factor to note is that Dinero had a run-in with Orlando Jordan on the January 4th Impact, and Jordan was mentioned again this week, so I would expect him to play a role in the finish of this bout.
Winner: Desmond Wolfe due to Orlando Jordan shenanigans.
SEAN MORELY vs DANIELS
Backstory: Morely, of course, is the former Val Venis. He debuted in TNA on January 4th doing a straight riff on the Venis gimmick, but this week he had morphed into an "Artiste". He claimed to be the leading internet distributor of fine cinema, which is kind of insulting in this day and age, and he wanted to launch the TNA Film Division. Daniels came out, acting like a fan boy, before laying him out with his patented offense that looks ridiculous on a guy that much larger than him. The TNA crowd popped for that, but Daniels - like a good soldier - heeled out...we're supposed to take the wrestling purist as the heel and the film maker as a face. All that said, this could be a good bout if they are given any time to work with. Expect Daniels to eat the fall, though.
Winner: Sean Morely.
ABYSS vs BOBBY LASHLEY
- Lashley is trying to get out of his TNA contract so he can focus on MMA. Hogan, apparently, is refusing...despite telling EVERYBODY that they have to "earn" their spots. To further muddy the waters, Hogan is giving interviews talking about how he's going to force Lashley to put TNA first. On Impact this week, Lashley destroyed Lethal Consequences and threatened to keep destroying the TNA roster until he gets his release. In response, Hogan and Bischoff have pitted Lashley against Abyss. Personally, I think it's a bait and switch: Lashley attacks Abyss before the match, demolishing him, and his wife cuts another heat generating promo.
Winner: No match, but Lashley is the only one left standing.
BEER MONEY, INC. vs SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH
- Beer Money got laid out on the January 4th Impact, apparently by Hall, Nash and Waltman doing their best nWo impression. This week, they demanded a match with Hall and Nash, and Bischoff has granted it. There was a brawl on Impact this week that turned into a 3 on 2 thanks to Waltman before Bischoff ended the fight. Hall and Nash, of course, were The Outsiders - a major tag team with no real accomplishment other than killing the WCW tag team division. Beer Money, Inc. consists of, arguably, the two best tag team wrestlers in TNA's history. That said, there is no way The Band is losing this fast. Beer Money's putting them over, with the justification that they have to "build a story".
Winners: Hall and Nash.
TNA X Division Championship
Amazing Red (c) vs To Be Determined
- Red has been the invisible X Division champion for a few months. His one appearance the last two weeks was the cluster of a Steel Asylum match that garnered Bullsh*t chants. No speculation on who his opponent is, but look to Red dropping the belt. My money's on Sean Waltman, personally.
Winner: Not Amazing Red.
TNA Knockouts Championship - Best Two out of Three Falls
ODB(c) vs Tara
- These two have had an issue for several weeks, with ODB pinning Tara with a handful of tights on the January 4th Impact to end a second short Knockouts title reign. The bad news is, that match was pretty bad. The worse news is, this match is best two out of three falls. Let's hope they work out the kinks this go around.
Winner: Too close to call, as I'm not sure Hogan and Bischoff consider the Knockouts division to be a priority.
TNA Tag Team Championship
THE BRITISH INVASION(c) vs MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ
- The British Invasion have been invisible on TV the last two weeks. Morgan and Hernandez squashed Raven and Dr. Stevie in order to win the title opportunity. On Impact this week, they were attacked by Rob Terry, the manager/bodyguard of The British Invasion. I would say there's a terribly good chance that Morgan and Hernandez are winning some gold.
Winners: Morgan/Hernandez and its not even close.
TNA World Heavyweight Title Match/Angle's Last Shot At Styles In 2010
AJ STYLES(c) vs KURT ANGLE
- AJ pinned Angle in a fatal four way to win the title, and Angle had AJ locked in the Ankle Lock at the time limit on an Impact rematch. It took months for Angle to get his title match, but it happened on the January 4th Impact, when AJ pinned Angle clean, even after being attacked by Tomko during the match. Hogan declared Styles and Angle the two best wrestlers in the world, and they made a rematch for Genesis. On Impact this week, Tomko attacked AJ again, and got a title shot, but failed to win. Ric Flair has been watching Styles for the last two weeks as well, and Styles was acting a little, well, heelish last week. "Last Shot" stips usually mean a title change, but - especially if AJ does turn heel at Genesis - then AJ winning really makes sense, as it gives Kurt a reason for serious frustration. I think AJ does retain, as his push is what Hogan and Bischoff are using to justify bringing in the Hogan Australian tour.
Winner: AJ Styles with shenanigans.
The Debut of TNA's Newest Talent Acquisition
- Scott Hall, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Sean Waltman, Ric Flair, Orlando Jordan, Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore and The Nasty Boys all debuted on January 4th. Hogan is pushing a huge acquisition for Genesis. Speculation seems to be Ken "Kennedy" Anderson or Rob Van Dam, arguably the two largest free agents in wrestling right now. A looong shot would be the arrival of Shane McMahon, who left the WWE on January 1st...however, he seems far more interested in MMA than wrestling at this point.
Conspicuous by Their Absence
- Sting has been watching "The Band" from the rafters the last two weeks, and they ran an angle where he was ticked about Hogan coming in...which is weird, because the last time Hogan and Sting were in WCW together, they were on the same side.
- The Nasty Boys spent two weeks trashing Team 3D's locker room, and attacked them this week. No match has been announced, but I bet we at least get a backstage fight.
- TNA Global Champion Eric Young hasn't been seen for more than just seconds the last few weeks and isn't on the card.
- Samoa Joe choked out Abyss on January 4th and jobbed clean to Desmond Wolfe, but isn't on the PPV despite having a title shot, if The Hogan Regime doesn't ignore Feast or Fired.
- The Beautiful People exploded on Impact this week, with Angelina Love returning and attacking them...but they aren't scheduled for the PPV.
- The TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Kong and HAmada are also not on the card.
- Rhino was supposed to wrestle Abyss January 4th and was laid out. However, he hasn't come back seeking revenge and isn't on the card.
- Jeff Jarrett cut a very face-ish promo on Impact January 4th and Hogan tried to out-face him and utterly failed...so Jarrett did a full heel turn this week. Despite being told he would have to "earn his spot", he's not scheduled for the show.
- Mick Foley is MIA, but that's his gimmick right now.
That pretty much covers all the bases for this PPV. To be honest, I haven't seen anything compelling enough to make me want to order it these last two weeks, but your mileage may vary.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tommy's Take on: TNA Impact 1/14/10
- Did not recap ECW or Superstars, though they were perfectly good shows. Going to try to do this tonight, though my hand hurts like crap.
- TNA opening recap from last week shows exactly two TNA Originals, AJ Styles and Jeff Jarrett. Angle and Foley get some face time and the rest is all nWo and surprise arrivals. BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
- There's a TNA PPV this weekend...Mike Tenay doesn't know whose in the main event, even though the website has hyped AJ Styles vs Angle since last Monday.
GENERATION ME vs THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS
- Generation Me were known as The Young Bucks. They look like the two most bland indy wrestlers you could imagine. This coming from a guy who was a pale, skinny and out of shape indy wrestler, but did his level best to ensure that he wasn't "bland". I sure do like Chris Sabin. Apparently Generation Me are "Max and Jeremy". Genius. Alex Shelley with a Randy Orton-esque chinlock. The nWo are walking backstage, distracting from this match. Apparently they are "The Band". And Foley hasn't been seen since the attack. Huh. That was an impressive sequence. An inverted atomic drop on Sabin, then flipping backward through the ropes and hitting a moonsault on Shelley. This match would have been a MUCH better opener last week than that abomination of a Steel Asylum. All high spots, no psychology...that's the X Division. Its an impressive dance, but none of it matters, ya know? Take it home! Generation Me wins. Nice debut if you like the X Division spotfests.
WINNERS: GENERATION ME via pinfall on Alex Shelley (450 Splash/Moonsault)
- Apparently The Nasty Boys are still wrecking the Team 3D locker room. Team 3D is trying to break in. Yawn.
- Video package of Hogan putting over Angle and Styles, and making the rematch. Apparently Genesis is Angle's last title shot. Hopefully that means AJ is winning. An "impact player" is debuting at Genesis.
- I won't be recapping Genesis.
- God. Kurt Angle.
- I don't know what I dislike more...watching him wrestle or hearing him talk.
- Of course Styles winning the title wasn't a fluke...he's a FOUR TIME World Champion. Ugh. Angle's putting Styles over here...hopefully for good. AJ's video package looks like crap. He's coming out to confront Angle. AJ's coming across kinda cocky...hm. Crowd doesn't like the "this is your last shot" stuff...because that doesn't work when faces do it. At least that was short.
- The Masked Man attacks AJ again! Is that...Abyss? Oh, no...Tomko! That would have worked much better if Tomko hadn't been redebuted with no fanfare weeks ago.
- I think I wanna see The Book of Eli.
- Recap of Tomko killing AJ.
- Hemme with "The Band". GOD...Bubba. Yuck. Seriously, if he stays here, I'm going to stop watching. Hall with gangsta slang. The Band refusing to talk about where Foley went. Seriously...if Bubba stays, I go.
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE w/LACEY VON ERICH vs AWESOME KONG & HAMADA
- Angelina Love in the crowd with no fanfare. SIGH. Sky and Rain are happy to see her, Lacey looks annoyed. This should be a murder. Hamada is still limping. Rain and Sky look nervous, Love looks disapproving. Ha! Sky with the Karate Kid pose. Sky's offense is ugly. Love is cheering on Madison. Kong and Hamada are faces in this match, apparently. AWESOME BOMB on Rain ends it.
Winners: AWESOME KONG & HAMADA via pinfall on Rain (AWESOME BOMB)
- Lacey and Velvey scraping Rain off the ground. Angelina attacks Lacey! Pounces on Sky! Clocks Lacey! Love just became the top face of the division! Nice.
- AJ busts into Bischoff's office. Apparently the TNA World Champion can't talk to the guy in charge. AJ doesn't sound convincing trying to be badass. Bischoff is trying to talk AJ out of fighting Tomko. Apparently this Tomko situation is going to be the excuse for AJ to lose to Angle. Why doesn't Bischoff have a main event? Its half an hour into the show? Are they making this up as it goes along? Apparently AJ vs Tomko is a title match.
- Beer Money apparently doesn't know where Bischoff's office is.
- Hogan is, apparently, the selling point for Genesis.
- Borash finds Bischoff who is meeting with "someone" next week. Borash is trying to find Foley. I bet he has amnesia and is wandering the streets of Cleveland. Bischoff stress that Foley is missing because Borash let Foley in last week. Beer Money found Bischoff. Beer Money wants Hall and Nash...and takes Storm's beer. Nice cock block. *sigh*
LETHAL CONSEQUENCES vs
- All the X Division guys on steroids looks STRANGE. Lashley attacks them! He's killing themn by himself. Apparently they were supposed to wrestle Team 3D. So...everyone is supposed to earn their spot...but Lashley wants to leave and can't? Well...at least Lashley's not wrestling. Kristal is threatening to destroy the enter TNA roster until she gets a meeting with Hogan. Why are they trying so hard to keep him? I could see it if she was demanding his title shot or something. Here comes Team 3D...with an ax. This going to be a promo on The Nasty Boys. Nope...3D on Creed. Match over.
Winners: TEAM 3D via pinfall on Creed (3D)
- Brother Ray cutting a promo on The Nasty Boys. *Yawn* Ray burying The Nasty Boys for riding Hogan's coattails. Should Ray or Devon be calling anyone fat? They are headed to their locker room with their ax. Nice...Ray takes the "Team 3D" sign. Nastys ambush Team 3D. It is worth noting...I have never liked the Nastys, ever...and I have seen exactly one good match with them in it, against Rick abd Scott Steiner as they were reaching their peak. That was something like twenty years ago.
- Tomko/AJ package. Wait...Tomko taught AJ everything he knows? He was at least a two time World Champion at that point. I hope that was supposed to delusional.
- Sean Morely out with a riff on the old Val Venis video package. Not wearing a towel, though. He's no Evan Stone...wait, what? Still living off the porn gimmick. So now he's a porn director. Where's his website? He's an online director...where's the website? Huh? This would be fine if he wasn't riding the WWE gimmick. ...a film division? I...am confused. TNA Films? Interrupted by Daniels, who still has no eyebrows. Daniels is smiling. Handshake. I think the Beautiful People already welcomed him. ...Daniels is here to pitch a screenplay. So...from World title contender...to wait...nope...I think he's going to drop Morely. STO!! Awesome! Wait...Daniels isn't the face in this scenario? Really? That was awesome. Too bad he's going to be putting Morely over now. Blah...Morely fights him off. I think I would have waited for that.
- ODB vs Tara in a Knockouts Title rematch at Genesis. 2 out of 3 falls? Eek. Nice...ODB has had "nastier" things than tarantulas on her belly.
- Here comes Jarrett with what looks like a lawyer. I guess Hogan was pissed about getting booed.
- Matt Morgan and Hernandez will be facing Beer Money later on.
- Or now.
MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ vs BEER MONEY
- How come we haven't seen The British Invasion? I think that bodes ill for their title reign. I guess everyone's a face here? Looks like Hernandez jumped on that suplex before they lifted him. Morgan tags in and wipes out both Beer Money members. Wow...Hernandez and Morgan are being portrayed as being smarter tag wrestlers than arguably the two best tag wrestlers in TNA history. Here comes Rob Terry to attack Hernandez, but Morgan is all over him.
Winner: No Contest
- Here comes The Band to the ring, where Beer Money is! Waltman first, followed by Nash and Hall is gradually making his way to the ring. Waltman getting brutalized! Now its three on two. The Band just looks sad. Security hits the ring to break it up.
- Blah...Bischoff. Commercial break.
- Bischoff with a cryptic comment for Beer Money. Bischoff is acting like he doesn't know what The Band is up to. Hall and Nash vs Beer Money at Genesis, apparently. Hm. God luck, guys. Sting is in the rafters, but they cut away.
- Another cranky Tomko promo, painting AJ as being selfish. At least they are providing backstory.
DESMOND WOLFE vs SAMOA JOE
- Wolfe just looks SO bland. Hm. Apparently Wolfe and D'Angelo Dinero are having a Genesis rematch. Hebner holding Wolfe back from Joe. I predict a non-finish in two minutes. Joe pummeling Wolfe. Wolfe has gotten nothing in so far. Joe gets distracted by the ref, but quickly takes over. Goes for the KOKINA CLUTCH, but Wolfe gets in the ropes. Wolfe just can't get going against Joe. Wolfe counters Joe's corner reversal...Hammerlock DDT drops Joe. Hm...I already forgot about Orlando Jordan. Wolfe flips off the camera, British style. Wolfe looks like he's setting up the TOWER OF LONDON but JOE is turning it into the KOKINA CLUTCH...Wolfe with the TOWER OF LONDON! Joe loses...clean?
Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall (TOWER OF LONDON)
- Wolfe is taunting Pope, who has been doing commentary. Wolfe tries to talk to the camera, and they cut to The Pope. Brilliant.
- Limo with Ric Flair outside. Apparently to do commentary.
- Another Tomko promo. They have done a nice job with this.
- Jarrett busts in on Hogan! Jarrett tells Bischoff to take a seat, and gets in Hogan's face. Now Jarrett's heeling out. Sigh. Well, he IS a better heel than a face. Yup, that's a lawyer. God...I'm already tired of Bischoff one upping everyone. Jarrett no-sells Bischoff. Nice. Hogan's getting in Jarrett's face...Jarrett's hiding behind his lawyer. SIGH. The TNA crowd got the memo that they're supposed to booing Jarrett. I'm confused...Hogan's a face, Bischoff's a heel or the worst face ever.
- Amazing Red vs a mystery opponent at Genesis.
- Desmond Wolfe vs D'Angelo Dinero at Genesis.
- Abyss vs Lashley at Genesis.
- ODV vs Tara.
- British Invasion vs Hernandez & Morgan.
- Beer Money vs Hall & Nash.
- Angle vs AJ Style or Tomko.
- "Major" talent acquisition.
- Flair here for commentary.
TNA World Title Match
TOMKO vs AJ STYLES(c)
- Flair is here to "observe". Super special ring announcing. I thought Borash was looking for Foley? AJ is all over Tomko! Tomko bails. AJ follows! Here comes Angle to observe. Angle goes to the broadcast booth and shakes hands with Flair as Styles murders Tomko. Tomko fights back with a big powerslam. Commercials.
- I HATE the little TNA mini-breaks.
- Both guys down as we come back from a second break. Tomko is choking AJ. Hands AND boots alternately. AJ slides down, enzuigiri! Pele? Pin! AJ is still beating Tomko down! So...no feud?
Winner: STYLES via pinfall (PELE KICK)
- Tomko attacks post match...but Angle with the save! Angle hands Styles the title back as Flair wattches on...AJ walks away and Flair smiles. So Sting putting AJ over was all for nothing?
- Genesis video package focusing on AJ-Angle.
- TNA opening recap from last week shows exactly two TNA Originals, AJ Styles and Jeff Jarrett. Angle and Foley get some face time and the rest is all nWo and surprise arrivals. BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED.
- There's a TNA PPV this weekend...Mike Tenay doesn't know whose in the main event, even though the website has hyped AJ Styles vs Angle since last Monday.
GENERATION ME vs THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS
- Generation Me were known as The Young Bucks. They look like the two most bland indy wrestlers you could imagine. This coming from a guy who was a pale, skinny and out of shape indy wrestler, but did his level best to ensure that he wasn't "bland". I sure do like Chris Sabin. Apparently Generation Me are "Max and Jeremy". Genius. Alex Shelley with a Randy Orton-esque chinlock. The nWo are walking backstage, distracting from this match. Apparently they are "The Band". And Foley hasn't been seen since the attack. Huh. That was an impressive sequence. An inverted atomic drop on Sabin, then flipping backward through the ropes and hitting a moonsault on Shelley. This match would have been a MUCH better opener last week than that abomination of a Steel Asylum. All high spots, no psychology...that's the X Division. Its an impressive dance, but none of it matters, ya know? Take it home! Generation Me wins. Nice debut if you like the X Division spotfests.
WINNERS: GENERATION ME via pinfall on Alex Shelley (450 Splash/Moonsault)
- Apparently The Nasty Boys are still wrecking the Team 3D locker room. Team 3D is trying to break in. Yawn.
- Video package of Hogan putting over Angle and Styles, and making the rematch. Apparently Genesis is Angle's last title shot. Hopefully that means AJ is winning. An "impact player" is debuting at Genesis.
- I won't be recapping Genesis.
- God. Kurt Angle.
- I don't know what I dislike more...watching him wrestle or hearing him talk.
- Of course Styles winning the title wasn't a fluke...he's a FOUR TIME World Champion. Ugh. Angle's putting Styles over here...hopefully for good. AJ's video package looks like crap. He's coming out to confront Angle. AJ's coming across kinda cocky...hm. Crowd doesn't like the "this is your last shot" stuff...because that doesn't work when faces do it. At least that was short.
- The Masked Man attacks AJ again! Is that...Abyss? Oh, no...Tomko! That would have worked much better if Tomko hadn't been redebuted with no fanfare weeks ago.
- I think I wanna see The Book of Eli.
- Recap of Tomko killing AJ.
- Hemme with "The Band". GOD...Bubba. Yuck. Seriously, if he stays here, I'm going to stop watching. Hall with gangsta slang. The Band refusing to talk about where Foley went. Seriously...if Bubba stays, I go.
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE w/LACEY VON ERICH vs AWESOME KONG & HAMADA
- Angelina Love in the crowd with no fanfare. SIGH. Sky and Rain are happy to see her, Lacey looks annoyed. This should be a murder. Hamada is still limping. Rain and Sky look nervous, Love looks disapproving. Ha! Sky with the Karate Kid pose. Sky's offense is ugly. Love is cheering on Madison. Kong and Hamada are faces in this match, apparently. AWESOME BOMB on Rain ends it.
Winners: AWESOME KONG & HAMADA via pinfall on Rain (AWESOME BOMB)
- Lacey and Velvey scraping Rain off the ground. Angelina attacks Lacey! Pounces on Sky! Clocks Lacey! Love just became the top face of the division! Nice.
- AJ busts into Bischoff's office. Apparently the TNA World Champion can't talk to the guy in charge. AJ doesn't sound convincing trying to be badass. Bischoff is trying to talk AJ out of fighting Tomko. Apparently this Tomko situation is going to be the excuse for AJ to lose to Angle. Why doesn't Bischoff have a main event? Its half an hour into the show? Are they making this up as it goes along? Apparently AJ vs Tomko is a title match.
- Beer Money apparently doesn't know where Bischoff's office is.
- Hogan is, apparently, the selling point for Genesis.
- Borash finds Bischoff who is meeting with "someone" next week. Borash is trying to find Foley. I bet he has amnesia and is wandering the streets of Cleveland. Bischoff stress that Foley is missing because Borash let Foley in last week. Beer Money found Bischoff. Beer Money wants Hall and Nash...and takes Storm's beer. Nice cock block. *sigh*
LETHAL CONSEQUENCES vs
- All the X Division guys on steroids looks STRANGE. Lashley attacks them! He's killing themn by himself. Apparently they were supposed to wrestle Team 3D. So...everyone is supposed to earn their spot...but Lashley wants to leave and can't? Well...at least Lashley's not wrestling. Kristal is threatening to destroy the enter TNA roster until she gets a meeting with Hogan. Why are they trying so hard to keep him? I could see it if she was demanding his title shot or something. Here comes Team 3D...with an ax. This going to be a promo on The Nasty Boys. Nope...3D on Creed. Match over.
Winners: TEAM 3D via pinfall on Creed (3D)
- Brother Ray cutting a promo on The Nasty Boys. *Yawn* Ray burying The Nasty Boys for riding Hogan's coattails. Should Ray or Devon be calling anyone fat? They are headed to their locker room with their ax. Nice...Ray takes the "Team 3D" sign. Nastys ambush Team 3D. It is worth noting...I have never liked the Nastys, ever...and I have seen exactly one good match with them in it, against Rick abd Scott Steiner as they were reaching their peak. That was something like twenty years ago.
- Tomko/AJ package. Wait...Tomko taught AJ everything he knows? He was at least a two time World Champion at that point. I hope that was supposed to delusional.
- Sean Morely out with a riff on the old Val Venis video package. Not wearing a towel, though. He's no Evan Stone...wait, what? Still living off the porn gimmick. So now he's a porn director. Where's his website? He's an online director...where's the website? Huh? This would be fine if he wasn't riding the WWE gimmick. ...a film division? I...am confused. TNA Films? Interrupted by Daniels, who still has no eyebrows. Daniels is smiling. Handshake. I think the Beautiful People already welcomed him. ...Daniels is here to pitch a screenplay. So...from World title contender...to wait...nope...I think he's going to drop Morely. STO!! Awesome! Wait...Daniels isn't the face in this scenario? Really? That was awesome. Too bad he's going to be putting Morely over now. Blah...Morely fights him off. I think I would have waited for that.
- ODB vs Tara in a Knockouts Title rematch at Genesis. 2 out of 3 falls? Eek. Nice...ODB has had "nastier" things than tarantulas on her belly.
- Here comes Jarrett with what looks like a lawyer. I guess Hogan was pissed about getting booed.
- Matt Morgan and Hernandez will be facing Beer Money later on.
- Or now.
MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ vs BEER MONEY
- How come we haven't seen The British Invasion? I think that bodes ill for their title reign. I guess everyone's a face here? Looks like Hernandez jumped on that suplex before they lifted him. Morgan tags in and wipes out both Beer Money members. Wow...Hernandez and Morgan are being portrayed as being smarter tag wrestlers than arguably the two best tag wrestlers in TNA history. Here comes Rob Terry to attack Hernandez, but Morgan is all over him.
Winner: No Contest
- Here comes The Band to the ring, where Beer Money is! Waltman first, followed by Nash and Hall is gradually making his way to the ring. Waltman getting brutalized! Now its three on two. The Band just looks sad. Security hits the ring to break it up.
- Blah...Bischoff. Commercial break.
- Bischoff with a cryptic comment for Beer Money. Bischoff is acting like he doesn't know what The Band is up to. Hall and Nash vs Beer Money at Genesis, apparently. Hm. God luck, guys. Sting is in the rafters, but they cut away.
- Another cranky Tomko promo, painting AJ as being selfish. At least they are providing backstory.
DESMOND WOLFE vs SAMOA JOE
- Wolfe just looks SO bland. Hm. Apparently Wolfe and D'Angelo Dinero are having a Genesis rematch. Hebner holding Wolfe back from Joe. I predict a non-finish in two minutes. Joe pummeling Wolfe. Wolfe has gotten nothing in so far. Joe gets distracted by the ref, but quickly takes over. Goes for the KOKINA CLUTCH, but Wolfe gets in the ropes. Wolfe just can't get going against Joe. Wolfe counters Joe's corner reversal...Hammerlock DDT drops Joe. Hm...I already forgot about Orlando Jordan. Wolfe flips off the camera, British style. Wolfe looks like he's setting up the TOWER OF LONDON but JOE is turning it into the KOKINA CLUTCH...Wolfe with the TOWER OF LONDON! Joe loses...clean?
Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall (TOWER OF LONDON)
- Wolfe is taunting Pope, who has been doing commentary. Wolfe tries to talk to the camera, and they cut to The Pope. Brilliant.
- Limo with Ric Flair outside. Apparently to do commentary.
- Another Tomko promo. They have done a nice job with this.
- Jarrett busts in on Hogan! Jarrett tells Bischoff to take a seat, and gets in Hogan's face. Now Jarrett's heeling out. Sigh. Well, he IS a better heel than a face. Yup, that's a lawyer. God...I'm already tired of Bischoff one upping everyone. Jarrett no-sells Bischoff. Nice. Hogan's getting in Jarrett's face...Jarrett's hiding behind his lawyer. SIGH. The TNA crowd got the memo that they're supposed to booing Jarrett. I'm confused...Hogan's a face, Bischoff's a heel or the worst face ever.
- Amazing Red vs a mystery opponent at Genesis.
- Desmond Wolfe vs D'Angelo Dinero at Genesis.
- Abyss vs Lashley at Genesis.
- ODV vs Tara.
- British Invasion vs Hernandez & Morgan.
- Beer Money vs Hall & Nash.
- Angle vs AJ Style or Tomko.
- "Major" talent acquisition.
- Flair here for commentary.
TNA World Title Match
TOMKO vs AJ STYLES(c)
- Flair is here to "observe". Super special ring announcing. I thought Borash was looking for Foley? AJ is all over Tomko! Tomko bails. AJ follows! Here comes Angle to observe. Angle goes to the broadcast booth and shakes hands with Flair as Styles murders Tomko. Tomko fights back with a big powerslam. Commercials.
- I HATE the little TNA mini-breaks.
- Both guys down as we come back from a second break. Tomko is choking AJ. Hands AND boots alternately. AJ slides down, enzuigiri! Pele? Pin! AJ is still beating Tomko down! So...no feud?
Winner: STYLES via pinfall (PELE KICK)
- Tomko attacks post match...but Angle with the save! Angle hands Styles the title back as Flair wattches on...AJ walks away and Flair smiles. So Sting putting AJ over was all for nothing?
- Genesis video package focusing on AJ-Angle.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Tommy's Take on: TNA Impact 1/4/10
And now...TNA! I don't like Hogan, but I'm morbidly curious about this. Hopefully, Bischoff at least will increase the production values. Anyway...I haven't watched TNA in months, and I apparently lost about 7 minutes of this thanks to my son. So, here goes.
- TNA Wrestling...Cross the Line!
- Video package from the first TNA show. Oh, moving up through other stuff...Sting, Angle, so forth...Hogan is here. Yay.
- We will be LIVE in Orlando, Florida.
- "Time For A Change". Poor Owen Hart.
- I dislike so many TNA guys, its almost funny.
- We are in the Impact Zone! Russ won't even stand in line for this and he's RIGHT THERE.
- Tazz and Tenay...somone has a Hogan wrestling buddy. Are all those Hogan shirts legit?
- Steel Asylum Matchh for the X Division title, Amazing Red defending.
- ODB challenges Tara for the Knockout Title.
- Rhino vs Abyss in a Barbed Wire Massacre.
- Fully Metal Mayhem: Beer Money vs British Invasion.
- Good thing TNA hasn't learned their lesson about wasting gimmick matches.
- Oh, dear God...Bubba the Love Sponge is a new "broadcast partner". Way to make me beg for the Nasty Boys instead.
- Fast forward time.
Steel Asylum Match for the X Division Title
CHRIS SABIN vs ALEX SHELLEY vs HOMICIDE vs KYOSHI vs JAY LETHAL vs CONSEQUENCES CREED vs SUICIDE vs AMAZING RED(c)
- Tenay trying to give a little intro to the X Divison and the wrestlers as they come out. Good idea. Three teams (Motor City Machine Guns, World Elite and Lethal Consquences) versus two singles guys. Tazz putting over Red who, I am led to understand, has been largely absent for a while. Tenay is talking about Mick Foley being barred from the Impact Zone. This is a cage with a dome. Winner is the guy that escapes through a hole in the top. Big chaos at the beginning. Hard to follow the action through the bbig red bars. Half the guys are on the cage while half are in the ring. Suicide hits his finisher on Red, but Machismo takes him out. Guys taking turns hitting big moves in the middle of the ring. Suicide is climbing...is Suicide still Kazarian? Nice. Suicide hiptosses Red off the ropes onto Sabin, but Red hits a hurracanrana. Homicide is killing people with a baton? Including Kiyoshi? Wait...did they just call for the bell?
Winner: No Contest...in a CAGE MATCH.
- Nice...opening match on TNA's first Monday show? A no contest after Homicide uses a weapon in a CAGE. The crowd is chanting "This is Bullshit", which Spike TV is bleeping...and Homicide is taking FOREVER to climb through the hall. What an awful, awful way to start the show. Awesome...Homicide can't climb out. Oh...that MAY have been intentional. Wait...what the hell? Did everyone recover from the BATON attack? And now...dear lord...JEFF HARDY. Hardy is in the crowd...wow. Homicide is attacking him. So...Jeff went from WWE main eventer to TNA X Divisioner? Twist of Fate on the ramp. Did TNA sign him to a contract? Or is he working per appearance? Hardy is climbing the cage..and sitting on it.
- What a cluster. I would imagine that Jeff's getting cut out of the WWE promo video as well?
- Jeff's backstage with Shannon Moore, who TNA doesn't even name on camera.
- Dear lord. Hogan has a motorcade. You're f-ing kidding me.
- Kevin Nash and Christy Hemme backstage. Hemme rubbing on him...nice. Nash is awfully subdued. Nash calls it an "epic night" for TNA. Allow me to call the opening match an EPIC FAIL. Nash is putting Hogan over hard. Hemme is feigning excitement. Not a classic promo here. Oh no...Hogan is coming and he's "not alone".
- Up next, Tara vs ODB.
TNA Knockouts Championship
ODB vs Tara(c)
- ODB is making me somewhat ill. I do like Tara, though. Who's the face here? Tara still has the spider. ODB attacks before the bell, and is drinking in the ring. That would get her license taken away in Oklahoma. Tara with a kick to the boobs. Nice clothesline. I am glad Tara's getting something to do before her career is done. She's still attractive, and can still go as well as she ever could. Nice enzuigiri. Sweet standing moonsault. Tarantula! Awesome! Is ODB selling, or holding a boob in? ODB runs Tara into the corner...TKO blocked...WIDOW'S PEAK...roll up! Asscrack! Spike TV goes to a blank arena shot! ODB wins!
Winner and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB with schoolgirl, holding the tights.
- So...Tara's second reign is incredibly short. TNA is killing her. And nice cutaway, Spike TV. Tara with a WIDOW'S PEAK after the match, and she places the tarantuala on ODB. Tara's celebration is cut short as...Ric Flair shows up?!??! I am genuinely shocked.
- I watched Flair's farewell send-off the other night...I think its kinda crappy that he's had to whore himself out after that. Undertaker even broke KAYFABE. Ugh. Well, that was a genuine surprise...Flair's here with Bischoff and Russo...weird.
- tNa sign done in nWo style.
- Video footage of Foley not being allowed in while Hemme is interviewing fans. Did Hemme ask the fan, on camera, twice? Hemme is informing us that Foley is barred due to a "memo". I watched Cactus Jack vs Sting from Beach Blast '92 the other night. I kinda don't want to see Foley or Sting in a ring again after that. It's just sad.
- "The Boss" Bobby Lashley...annd not dressed to wrestle. Good god...that means he's going to talk. Has Lashley gotten any better on the mic? Because in WWE he absolutely sucked.
- So...is Kristal Lashley doing a Michelle Obama gimmick? Impact Zone loves Lashley, but they are sheep. Nice...Kristal is talking for him...and I think she's turning him heel tonight. Yes...yes, she is. Hm. This may be the best thing on the show so far.
- ! Lashley's asked for his release from his TNA contract! Lashley is so bad...he doesn't even have decent facial expressions.
- VELVET~! SKY~! Leading the camera man into a locker room...Lacey and Madison Rayne...strip poker? "Live, without a not?" "Who's Annette?" "Is she hot?" I take that back, this is better than the Lashley segment. Nice! Madison counted to 18! YEP. STRIP POKER.
- Wow.
- Mel Gibson remaking Ransom? Kinda? Edge of Darkness looks cool.
- The motorcade. I think that means I'm losing part of Hogan's promo in the 7 minutes. That works.
- Dear lord. Hall and Waltman outside the Impact Zone. HA! They can't get in! They're attacking security?
- Jeff Hardy, Ric Flair, Shannon Moore, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman? NICE TALENT ACQUISITIONS.
- Motorcade is rounding the corner...no, a few blocks away.
- That whole segment is the motorcade, Hall and Waltman?
- Here it is...TNA is teasing a mystery limo. Sting?
- Oh lord...Hall and Waltman have crashed TNA. Remember when they both flaked out on TNA?
- ...seriously? ANOTHER segment that was motorcade and Hall and Waltman? Dear lord.
- More Hall and Waltman...or not. ANOTHER commercial break.
- Is anything going to HAPPEN this time?
- "nWo music" knockoff brings out Hogan...who is in Hollywood Hogan colors, complete with beard. Hm. All those guys in red and yellow look silly. The entrance video is in red and yellow. Hogan not really acknowledging Hall. Hogan not actually slapping any hands. Brooke and Nick Hogan in the crowd. Cue joke about Hogan having to paper his own audience at a free show.
- Wait...he's been in the back all day long? Then what was with the motorcade? I'm confused. NASH was in the back and said Hogan was "on his way"...but he was already THERE. Hm.
- Hall and Waltman jumping the rail...security backing them off. Now Hogan acknowledges them. Uh oh. Hogan's bringing them in. Nice of Hall to dye his hair for TV. Nice of Waltman to keep his clothes on. Hall does look better than the last few times I saw him. That's good.
- Does anyone give a flip about this? At least Sting tried to reinvent himself in TNA.
- Hall is forgetting that he used to be in TNA, apparently. Hogan's shutting down "the party". Awww.
- Is Waltman high? Apparently Hogan's not wanting to relive the nWo, except for the nWo knockoff music and the bad beard.
- TEEHEE. Hogan preaching about "growing up".
- Uh oh...Hall threatening Hogan...and here comes Nash. TNA is CUTTING EDGE.
- Hey, doesn't TNA have a heavyweight champion? AJ...something? He's being treated like Sheamus tonight. Thank God Nash is here to save this segment. Too bad this is WCW...with all the guys I didn't like.
- Hall wants to fight, apparently.
- You're f-ing kidding me. Bischoff is on air now too?
- And that's where my recording died. I'll be jumping ahead in time seven minutes.
- To recap. It is 2010, and both TNA and WWE are rehashing history from 12 years ago, while ignoring their respective champions, guys who weren't on the map twelve years ago.
- And I return in the middle of a commercial break. Wonder if Tenay and Tazz will be showing us "how it ended".
- Oh...dear God. nWo in the ring and Sting in the rafters. This IS WCW all over again, except everyone is old.
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title Match
AWESOME KONG & HAMADA vs TAYLOR WILDE & SARITA(c)
- This could be good. King and Hamada are not pretty...though Hamada has cleaned up a but since the last time I saw her. Wilde and Sarita are in matching outfits. Good times. I approve. Has there been any mention of AJ Styles at all tonight? I spoke too soon...AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle for the TNA World Title was just announced. Sarita vs Hamada to start. If Hamada wore facepaint, I think she would look like Onryo. Woops...Sarita slipped off that DDT. Taylor Wilde with a nice flying armdrag off the top rope. YOU'RE F-ING KIDDING ME. The Motor City Machine Guns have been laid out in the back...nWo? SIGH. Meanwhile, Kong is killing the tag champs. Kong refusing to sell dropkicks from Wilde. Double dropkicks get her! Double dives to the floor on Kong and Hamada! Off to commercials.
- I just realized that Kong and Hamada are color coordinated. I approve. Hamada's kinda good. Wilde is babyface in peril, unable to get to Sarita. Hamada is teasing the tag for Sarita and Wilde. Kong beating Wilde down. Flip over on a powerbomb and a code breaker! Sarita is in with a springboard dropkick! Sterero frankensteiners! Wait! Kong with a powerbomb...no, sunset flip by Sarita...butt crush by Kong! Nice. Backfist by Kong. Wilde eats ringpost! AWESOME BOMB...DROPKICK! NEW CHAMPIONS!
Winners and NEW TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: AWESOME KONG & HAMADA via pinfall on Sarita after POWERBOMB DROPKICK!
- That was the best part of the show so far. A well worked tag match by the knockouts. Wilde is still selling the KO from the post.
- Beautiful People in bras! Oh...god. Val Venis is here, in towel...but TNA doesn't have a name for him. SIGH. Velvet Sky is shutting him down...oh no...he's in the game. You're freaking kidding me. Here I was hoping for an Angelina Love interruption. Sky peeks under Venis' towel.
- I was right...TNA is more interesting...in a train wreck kind of way.
- Ya know, at least Venis can talk. And, last time I saw him, he was decent in the ring. Not the worst pick up.
- Foley's still shut out of building. Isn't that the old Main Event Mafia security?
-- Dear...God...the Nasty Boys? I haven't seen Sags in YEARS. Knobbs is still bloated.
- RAVEN! RICHARDS! DAFFNEY! YES! Tag match?
RAVEN & DR. STEVIE w/DAFFNEY vs MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ
- Apparently the winning team gets a tag title shot. Daffney is in a gothic nurse outfit. Raven and Hernandez to start. Stevie is all over Morgan. Crap...CARBON FOOTPRINT. Raven and Richards just got squashed. F-U, TNA.
Winners: MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ via pinfall on RICHARDS after CARBON FOOTPRINT.
- D'Angelo Dinero taking on Desmond Wolfe tonight, apparently. Dinero annoys me already. He needs to talk less.
- ...Orlando Jordan is here now, too? The Hell? Dinero is incredulous that Jordan is even here. Wow. Interesting segment. NICE. "Whoopi Goldberg look alike".
- Seriously? ORLANDO JORDAN?
DESMOND WOLFE vs D'ANGELO DINERO
- Wolfe has the most generic look possible. Seriously. I nearly fell asleep as he walked to the ring. Nice...money falling from the roof. Seriously...Wolfe looks like a jobber. Chain wrestling to start. First time I've seen that tonight. Nice hand stomp by Wolfe. Dinero with a big clothesline. Oooh...Hammerlock DDT? Wolfe's killing the shoulder/arm. Okay, I'm impressed. He blocked a sunset flip by working the arm. That's "psychology". Dinero with some NICE hand time off the top rope...too bad he stopped selling arm to do it. TOWER OF LONDON blocked...small package! Dinero wins!
Winner: D'ANGELO DINERO via pinfall with a small package.
- Jeff Jarrett!
- That was a pretty good little match. Although Wolfe has now gone from near draws with Angle to losing in minutes to Dinero. He looks bland as hell, but the psychology (on Wolfe's part, at least) was great.
- Now Rhyno is laid out?
- Dear God...Bubba the Love Sponge AGAIN. YUCK.
- Over and hour and a half in, and we haven't seen TNA Champion AJ Styles.
- Recap of the nWo reunion. Where's Goldberg? Can we get Goldberg here? Was that Nash's contract torn up?
- Jarrett is WALKING. To the ring. Still.
- Who's the guy with the belt? OH. AJ Styles. Backstage. Not...you know...wrestling. Bischoff interrupting? Hm. Styles looks unimpressed. Apparently Bischoff forgot AJ worked for WCW. Uh oh. Bischoff is screwing with the Angle-AJ match? AJ-Angle tonight? Nice...Bischoff just called AJ "kid". He's THIRTY FIVE.
- Jarrett!
- Where's Samoa Joe and Daniels?
- Wonder how Jarrett's feeling right now? Dixie Carter in the crowd looking miffed. Jarrett talking about founding the company. "Thank you, Jeff" chant. Jarrett talking about all the guys he gave shots to: Beer Money, Shelly and Sabin, Daniels, Joe and AJ. Hm. Jarrett promises that "you ain't seen nuthin' yet."
- Hogan on the screen? Heeling out on Jarrett? Crowd is turning on him. Saying Jarrett ran TNA into the ground. Hm. Crowd with a "Bullshit" chant. WCW reference with "You got no stroke." Hmmm...interesting angle for Jarrett. Can he "hang with the young guys?".
- Daniels backstage with Hemme. What happened to his eye brows? Nice...Daniels gets shut down seconds in so Borash and Foley can take over the segment. What about the "young guys" getting a shot again?
- Oh lord...Moore and Hardy backstage. Ugh.
Barbed Wire Massacre
ABYSS vs ?????
- Wait...is this not a barbed wire massacre? Okay...Samoa Joe! Without the penis on his face! Interesting. Joe with a sucker punch! Joe pummels Abyss! Big enzuigiri! Joe setting up the facewash. Abyss with a boot! Joe bails! Chair shot misses! Abyss taking the upper hand. Boot to the face by Joe. Inverted atomic drop and yakuza! Senton! Abyss kicks out. Hmmm...Sting is backstage somewhere. Abyss with a corner clothesline! Abyss charges...into an elbow! Joe off the ropes with a kick! Kickout! Joe's tryingh to shoe off. Standing kick to the head! Joe goes up again...chokeslam by Abyss! Kickout by Joe! Joe is bailing. Joe's getting the chair...chairshot! Kokina Clutch! Abyss is fighting! Tapout!
Winner: SAMOA JOE via submission. (KOKINA CLUTCH)
- Pretty good.
- Bischoff complaining that the match went too long? Kristal interrupts, wanting Lashley's release. Demanding a meeting with Hogan.
- SIGH. Now BEER MONEY is laid out. Nasty Boys vs British Invasion, maybe? Where's Eric Young? He still works here, right?
- Oh...Nasty Boys still can't get in. Bubba the Jack Nut is trying to get them in. Dear...God.
- Kurt Angle and Jeremy Borash backstage. Not a fan of Angle, really...hope AJ goes over, without shenanigans. At least he doesn't have the silly mouthpiece right now.
- AJ-Mania sign. Nice.
- Oh, lord...Moore and Hardy...getting mobbed by teenage girls. Rob Van Dam was smart to stay home...with twenty other guys debuting in one night.
- Oh...crap. Taking over the Team 3D locker room. Team 3D vs Nasty Boys? Oh dear lord. This show is a huge trainwreck.
- The main event...with forty minutes left? Really? Is this going to be a broadway, or is the "main event" all about Sting, Flair, Hogan and the nWo?
TNA World Title Match
KURT ANGLE vs AJ STYLES(c)
- What happened to the British Invasion wrestling? With the way they're hyping this, if they don't deliver, they deserve death. Chain wrestling at the beginning. AJ stops Angle with a dropkick. NICE. AJ is looking GREAT. Flip dive to the floor on Angle! Oh God...AJ is attacked. TNA bait and switch on the main? Masked guy attacks AJ...but Angle runs him off and the match is continuing? Wait...so...a guy uses a weapon in a CAGE match and the match stops...a guys runs in a regular match, but it continues? Angle takes control with a corner powerbomb as we head to commercials.
- Back with a huge suplex...and another break? REALLY??
- Wow. Alright, back again with a PPV quality match, or something. Holy crap! AJ with a DVD neckbreaker...or something? Springboard...into a suplex! Angle takes over! Angle Slam? No...AJ with a clothesline! STYLES CLASH blocked. Rolling Germans. Three of 'em on AJ. Setting him up...AJ slips out of an Angle Slam, AJ goes for the Pele...Ankle Lock! Roll up by AJ! Pele hits! Two count! Styles Clash? Back drop. Angle slam! Only gets two! This IS better than any match on Raw...springboard forearm! Going up...crap. Angle with his stupid pop up into a superplex. Angle going up? Splash misses! Styles Clash! Kickout! If Angle wins now, Styles looks bad. This is turning into a standard Angle match. Both men up...superplex? Angle fighting...splash! Kickout! Angle sizing him up...Angle slam countered with a DDT! Kickout again. Series of reversals, turning into an ankle lock...German suplex! They ARE pushing the time a little more than I thought. Asai reverse DDT! Kickout...sigh. Angle took my "grabbing the ref's hand" spot! BOO. AJ up, Angle cuts him off...they're brawling...both men up...super Angle Slam! AJ KICKS OUT! This is kinda getting ridiculous now. Ankle lock...Angle sent into the buckles! Enzuigiri! STYLES CLASH! ANOTHER kickout? Take it home! Take it home! Angle counters another Styles Clash with the Ankle lock! And now Flair comes out? AJ fights out...Angle hits the post! Back suplex! Springboard 450! Angle kicks out AGAIN? Okay, seriously...I got burnt out after that last Styles Clash.
- Back from a break...another set of the same reversals. Flair walks away...Styles Clash but AJ can't cover. Going back up...Springboard 450...AJ wins! Nice!
Winner and STILL TNA World Champion: AJ Styles via pinfall (Springboard 450)
- Nice match...went on too long. Angle shakes AJ's hand. Here comes Hogan...for the heel turn? Oh, no...to put AJ and Angle over. Nice. Hogan's being interrupted...Foley is here...barging in on the Strip Poker game!
- Foley's gonna kill Venis? Foley is face to face with Bischoff! So...Hogan and Bischoff are Good Cop/Bad Cop? The nWo are attacking Foley! Nice to see its a BRAND NEW DAY. Hogan walks in...but TNA goes off with air with an nWo CLIFFHANGER.
- Wow. That was a complete trainwreck. That was, basically, what people feared would happen...an nWo reunion, a ton of "old guys" showing up...and nothing now until next Thursday. WWE wasn't a super special show, but a solid, low key one setting up material for the next few months...this thing was one, giant cluster. The worst part is that the one reason I tuned in...the anticipated Beautiful People reunion...never happened.
- TNA Wrestling...Cross the Line!
- Video package from the first TNA show. Oh, moving up through other stuff...Sting, Angle, so forth...Hogan is here. Yay.
- We will be LIVE in Orlando, Florida.
- "Time For A Change". Poor Owen Hart.
- I dislike so many TNA guys, its almost funny.
- We are in the Impact Zone! Russ won't even stand in line for this and he's RIGHT THERE.
- Tazz and Tenay...somone has a Hogan wrestling buddy. Are all those Hogan shirts legit?
- Steel Asylum Matchh for the X Division title, Amazing Red defending.
- ODB challenges Tara for the Knockout Title.
- Rhino vs Abyss in a Barbed Wire Massacre.
- Fully Metal Mayhem: Beer Money vs British Invasion.
- Good thing TNA hasn't learned their lesson about wasting gimmick matches.
- Oh, dear God...Bubba the Love Sponge is a new "broadcast partner". Way to make me beg for the Nasty Boys instead.
- Fast forward time.
Steel Asylum Match for the X Division Title
CHRIS SABIN vs ALEX SHELLEY vs HOMICIDE vs KYOSHI vs JAY LETHAL vs CONSEQUENCES CREED vs SUICIDE vs AMAZING RED(c)
- Tenay trying to give a little intro to the X Divison and the wrestlers as they come out. Good idea. Three teams (Motor City Machine Guns, World Elite and Lethal Consquences) versus two singles guys. Tazz putting over Red who, I am led to understand, has been largely absent for a while. Tenay is talking about Mick Foley being barred from the Impact Zone. This is a cage with a dome. Winner is the guy that escapes through a hole in the top. Big chaos at the beginning. Hard to follow the action through the bbig red bars. Half the guys are on the cage while half are in the ring. Suicide hits his finisher on Red, but Machismo takes him out. Guys taking turns hitting big moves in the middle of the ring. Suicide is climbing...is Suicide still Kazarian? Nice. Suicide hiptosses Red off the ropes onto Sabin, but Red hits a hurracanrana. Homicide is killing people with a baton? Including Kiyoshi? Wait...did they just call for the bell?
Winner: No Contest...in a CAGE MATCH.
- Nice...opening match on TNA's first Monday show? A no contest after Homicide uses a weapon in a CAGE. The crowd is chanting "This is Bullshit", which Spike TV is bleeping...and Homicide is taking FOREVER to climb through the hall. What an awful, awful way to start the show. Awesome...Homicide can't climb out. Oh...that MAY have been intentional. Wait...what the hell? Did everyone recover from the BATON attack? And now...dear lord...JEFF HARDY. Hardy is in the crowd...wow. Homicide is attacking him. So...Jeff went from WWE main eventer to TNA X Divisioner? Twist of Fate on the ramp. Did TNA sign him to a contract? Or is he working per appearance? Hardy is climbing the cage..and sitting on it.
- What a cluster. I would imagine that Jeff's getting cut out of the WWE promo video as well?
- Jeff's backstage with Shannon Moore, who TNA doesn't even name on camera.
- Dear lord. Hogan has a motorcade. You're f-ing kidding me.
- Kevin Nash and Christy Hemme backstage. Hemme rubbing on him...nice. Nash is awfully subdued. Nash calls it an "epic night" for TNA. Allow me to call the opening match an EPIC FAIL. Nash is putting Hogan over hard. Hemme is feigning excitement. Not a classic promo here. Oh no...Hogan is coming and he's "not alone".
- Up next, Tara vs ODB.
TNA Knockouts Championship
ODB vs Tara(c)
- ODB is making me somewhat ill. I do like Tara, though. Who's the face here? Tara still has the spider. ODB attacks before the bell, and is drinking in the ring. That would get her license taken away in Oklahoma. Tara with a kick to the boobs. Nice clothesline. I am glad Tara's getting something to do before her career is done. She's still attractive, and can still go as well as she ever could. Nice enzuigiri. Sweet standing moonsault. Tarantula! Awesome! Is ODB selling, or holding a boob in? ODB runs Tara into the corner...TKO blocked...WIDOW'S PEAK...roll up! Asscrack! Spike TV goes to a blank arena shot! ODB wins!
Winner and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB with schoolgirl, holding the tights.
- So...Tara's second reign is incredibly short. TNA is killing her. And nice cutaway, Spike TV. Tara with a WIDOW'S PEAK after the match, and she places the tarantuala on ODB. Tara's celebration is cut short as...Ric Flair shows up?!??! I am genuinely shocked.
- I watched Flair's farewell send-off the other night...I think its kinda crappy that he's had to whore himself out after that. Undertaker even broke KAYFABE. Ugh. Well, that was a genuine surprise...Flair's here with Bischoff and Russo...weird.
- tNa sign done in nWo style.
- Video footage of Foley not being allowed in while Hemme is interviewing fans. Did Hemme ask the fan, on camera, twice? Hemme is informing us that Foley is barred due to a "memo". I watched Cactus Jack vs Sting from Beach Blast '92 the other night. I kinda don't want to see Foley or Sting in a ring again after that. It's just sad.
- "The Boss" Bobby Lashley...annd not dressed to wrestle. Good god...that means he's going to talk. Has Lashley gotten any better on the mic? Because in WWE he absolutely sucked.
- So...is Kristal Lashley doing a Michelle Obama gimmick? Impact Zone loves Lashley, but they are sheep. Nice...Kristal is talking for him...and I think she's turning him heel tonight. Yes...yes, she is. Hm. This may be the best thing on the show so far.
- ! Lashley's asked for his release from his TNA contract! Lashley is so bad...he doesn't even have decent facial expressions.
- VELVET~! SKY~! Leading the camera man into a locker room...Lacey and Madison Rayne...strip poker? "Live, without a not?" "Who's Annette?" "Is she hot?" I take that back, this is better than the Lashley segment. Nice! Madison counted to 18! YEP. STRIP POKER.
- Wow.
- Mel Gibson remaking Ransom? Kinda? Edge of Darkness looks cool.
- The motorcade. I think that means I'm losing part of Hogan's promo in the 7 minutes. That works.
- Dear lord. Hall and Waltman outside the Impact Zone. HA! They can't get in! They're attacking security?
- Jeff Hardy, Ric Flair, Shannon Moore, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman? NICE TALENT ACQUISITIONS.
- Motorcade is rounding the corner...no, a few blocks away.
- That whole segment is the motorcade, Hall and Waltman?
- Here it is...TNA is teasing a mystery limo. Sting?
- Oh lord...Hall and Waltman have crashed TNA. Remember when they both flaked out on TNA?
- ...seriously? ANOTHER segment that was motorcade and Hall and Waltman? Dear lord.
- More Hall and Waltman...or not. ANOTHER commercial break.
- Is anything going to HAPPEN this time?
- "nWo music" knockoff brings out Hogan...who is in Hollywood Hogan colors, complete with beard. Hm. All those guys in red and yellow look silly. The entrance video is in red and yellow. Hogan not really acknowledging Hall. Hogan not actually slapping any hands. Brooke and Nick Hogan in the crowd. Cue joke about Hogan having to paper his own audience at a free show.
- Wait...he's been in the back all day long? Then what was with the motorcade? I'm confused. NASH was in the back and said Hogan was "on his way"...but he was already THERE. Hm.
- Hall and Waltman jumping the rail...security backing them off. Now Hogan acknowledges them. Uh oh. Hogan's bringing them in. Nice of Hall to dye his hair for TV. Nice of Waltman to keep his clothes on. Hall does look better than the last few times I saw him. That's good.
- Does anyone give a flip about this? At least Sting tried to reinvent himself in TNA.
- Hall is forgetting that he used to be in TNA, apparently. Hogan's shutting down "the party". Awww.
- Is Waltman high? Apparently Hogan's not wanting to relive the nWo, except for the nWo knockoff music and the bad beard.
- TEEHEE. Hogan preaching about "growing up".
- Uh oh...Hall threatening Hogan...and here comes Nash. TNA is CUTTING EDGE.
- Hey, doesn't TNA have a heavyweight champion? AJ...something? He's being treated like Sheamus tonight. Thank God Nash is here to save this segment. Too bad this is WCW...with all the guys I didn't like.
- Hall wants to fight, apparently.
- You're f-ing kidding me. Bischoff is on air now too?
- And that's where my recording died. I'll be jumping ahead in time seven minutes.
- To recap. It is 2010, and both TNA and WWE are rehashing history from 12 years ago, while ignoring their respective champions, guys who weren't on the map twelve years ago.
- And I return in the middle of a commercial break. Wonder if Tenay and Tazz will be showing us "how it ended".
- Oh...dear God. nWo in the ring and Sting in the rafters. This IS WCW all over again, except everyone is old.
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title Match
AWESOME KONG & HAMADA vs TAYLOR WILDE & SARITA(c)
- This could be good. King and Hamada are not pretty...though Hamada has cleaned up a but since the last time I saw her. Wilde and Sarita are in matching outfits. Good times. I approve. Has there been any mention of AJ Styles at all tonight? I spoke too soon...AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle for the TNA World Title was just announced. Sarita vs Hamada to start. If Hamada wore facepaint, I think she would look like Onryo. Woops...Sarita slipped off that DDT. Taylor Wilde with a nice flying armdrag off the top rope. YOU'RE F-ING KIDDING ME. The Motor City Machine Guns have been laid out in the back...nWo? SIGH. Meanwhile, Kong is killing the tag champs. Kong refusing to sell dropkicks from Wilde. Double dropkicks get her! Double dives to the floor on Kong and Hamada! Off to commercials.
- I just realized that Kong and Hamada are color coordinated. I approve. Hamada's kinda good. Wilde is babyface in peril, unable to get to Sarita. Hamada is teasing the tag for Sarita and Wilde. Kong beating Wilde down. Flip over on a powerbomb and a code breaker! Sarita is in with a springboard dropkick! Sterero frankensteiners! Wait! Kong with a powerbomb...no, sunset flip by Sarita...butt crush by Kong! Nice. Backfist by Kong. Wilde eats ringpost! AWESOME BOMB...DROPKICK! NEW CHAMPIONS!
Winners and NEW TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: AWESOME KONG & HAMADA via pinfall on Sarita after POWERBOMB DROPKICK!
- That was the best part of the show so far. A well worked tag match by the knockouts. Wilde is still selling the KO from the post.
- Beautiful People in bras! Oh...god. Val Venis is here, in towel...but TNA doesn't have a name for him. SIGH. Velvet Sky is shutting him down...oh no...he's in the game. You're freaking kidding me. Here I was hoping for an Angelina Love interruption. Sky peeks under Venis' towel.
- I was right...TNA is more interesting...in a train wreck kind of way.
- Ya know, at least Venis can talk. And, last time I saw him, he was decent in the ring. Not the worst pick up.
- Foley's still shut out of building. Isn't that the old Main Event Mafia security?
-- Dear...God...the Nasty Boys? I haven't seen Sags in YEARS. Knobbs is still bloated.
- RAVEN! RICHARDS! DAFFNEY! YES! Tag match?
RAVEN & DR. STEVIE w/DAFFNEY vs MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ
- Apparently the winning team gets a tag title shot. Daffney is in a gothic nurse outfit. Raven and Hernandez to start. Stevie is all over Morgan. Crap...CARBON FOOTPRINT. Raven and Richards just got squashed. F-U, TNA.
Winners: MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ via pinfall on RICHARDS after CARBON FOOTPRINT.
- D'Angelo Dinero taking on Desmond Wolfe tonight, apparently. Dinero annoys me already. He needs to talk less.
- ...Orlando Jordan is here now, too? The Hell? Dinero is incredulous that Jordan is even here. Wow. Interesting segment. NICE. "Whoopi Goldberg look alike".
- Seriously? ORLANDO JORDAN?
DESMOND WOLFE vs D'ANGELO DINERO
- Wolfe has the most generic look possible. Seriously. I nearly fell asleep as he walked to the ring. Nice...money falling from the roof. Seriously...Wolfe looks like a jobber. Chain wrestling to start. First time I've seen that tonight. Nice hand stomp by Wolfe. Dinero with a big clothesline. Oooh...Hammerlock DDT? Wolfe's killing the shoulder/arm. Okay, I'm impressed. He blocked a sunset flip by working the arm. That's "psychology". Dinero with some NICE hand time off the top rope...too bad he stopped selling arm to do it. TOWER OF LONDON blocked...small package! Dinero wins!
Winner: D'ANGELO DINERO via pinfall with a small package.
- Jeff Jarrett!
- That was a pretty good little match. Although Wolfe has now gone from near draws with Angle to losing in minutes to Dinero. He looks bland as hell, but the psychology (on Wolfe's part, at least) was great.
- Now Rhyno is laid out?
- Dear God...Bubba the Love Sponge AGAIN. YUCK.
- Over and hour and a half in, and we haven't seen TNA Champion AJ Styles.
- Recap of the nWo reunion. Where's Goldberg? Can we get Goldberg here? Was that Nash's contract torn up?
- Jarrett is WALKING. To the ring. Still.
- Who's the guy with the belt? OH. AJ Styles. Backstage. Not...you know...wrestling. Bischoff interrupting? Hm. Styles looks unimpressed. Apparently Bischoff forgot AJ worked for WCW. Uh oh. Bischoff is screwing with the Angle-AJ match? AJ-Angle tonight? Nice...Bischoff just called AJ "kid". He's THIRTY FIVE.
- Jarrett!
- Where's Samoa Joe and Daniels?
- Wonder how Jarrett's feeling right now? Dixie Carter in the crowd looking miffed. Jarrett talking about founding the company. "Thank you, Jeff" chant. Jarrett talking about all the guys he gave shots to: Beer Money, Shelly and Sabin, Daniels, Joe and AJ. Hm. Jarrett promises that "you ain't seen nuthin' yet."
- Hogan on the screen? Heeling out on Jarrett? Crowd is turning on him. Saying Jarrett ran TNA into the ground. Hm. Crowd with a "Bullshit" chant. WCW reference with "You got no stroke." Hmmm...interesting angle for Jarrett. Can he "hang with the young guys?".
- Daniels backstage with Hemme. What happened to his eye brows? Nice...Daniels gets shut down seconds in so Borash and Foley can take over the segment. What about the "young guys" getting a shot again?
- Oh lord...Moore and Hardy backstage. Ugh.
Barbed Wire Massacre
ABYSS vs ?????
- Wait...is this not a barbed wire massacre? Okay...Samoa Joe! Without the penis on his face! Interesting. Joe with a sucker punch! Joe pummels Abyss! Big enzuigiri! Joe setting up the facewash. Abyss with a boot! Joe bails! Chair shot misses! Abyss taking the upper hand. Boot to the face by Joe. Inverted atomic drop and yakuza! Senton! Abyss kicks out. Hmmm...Sting is backstage somewhere. Abyss with a corner clothesline! Abyss charges...into an elbow! Joe off the ropes with a kick! Kickout! Joe's tryingh to shoe off. Standing kick to the head! Joe goes up again...chokeslam by Abyss! Kickout by Joe! Joe is bailing. Joe's getting the chair...chairshot! Kokina Clutch! Abyss is fighting! Tapout!
Winner: SAMOA JOE via submission. (KOKINA CLUTCH)
- Pretty good.
- Bischoff complaining that the match went too long? Kristal interrupts, wanting Lashley's release. Demanding a meeting with Hogan.
- SIGH. Now BEER MONEY is laid out. Nasty Boys vs British Invasion, maybe? Where's Eric Young? He still works here, right?
- Oh...Nasty Boys still can't get in. Bubba the Jack Nut is trying to get them in. Dear...God.
- Kurt Angle and Jeremy Borash backstage. Not a fan of Angle, really...hope AJ goes over, without shenanigans. At least he doesn't have the silly mouthpiece right now.
- AJ-Mania sign. Nice.
- Oh, lord...Moore and Hardy...getting mobbed by teenage girls. Rob Van Dam was smart to stay home...with twenty other guys debuting in one night.
- Oh...crap. Taking over the Team 3D locker room. Team 3D vs Nasty Boys? Oh dear lord. This show is a huge trainwreck.
- The main event...with forty minutes left? Really? Is this going to be a broadway, or is the "main event" all about Sting, Flair, Hogan and the nWo?
TNA World Title Match
KURT ANGLE vs AJ STYLES(c)
- What happened to the British Invasion wrestling? With the way they're hyping this, if they don't deliver, they deserve death. Chain wrestling at the beginning. AJ stops Angle with a dropkick. NICE. AJ is looking GREAT. Flip dive to the floor on Angle! Oh God...AJ is attacked. TNA bait and switch on the main? Masked guy attacks AJ...but Angle runs him off and the match is continuing? Wait...so...a guy uses a weapon in a CAGE match and the match stops...a guys runs in a regular match, but it continues? Angle takes control with a corner powerbomb as we head to commercials.
- Back with a huge suplex...and another break? REALLY??
- Wow. Alright, back again with a PPV quality match, or something. Holy crap! AJ with a DVD neckbreaker...or something? Springboard...into a suplex! Angle takes over! Angle Slam? No...AJ with a clothesline! STYLES CLASH blocked. Rolling Germans. Three of 'em on AJ. Setting him up...AJ slips out of an Angle Slam, AJ goes for the Pele...Ankle Lock! Roll up by AJ! Pele hits! Two count! Styles Clash? Back drop. Angle slam! Only gets two! This IS better than any match on Raw...springboard forearm! Going up...crap. Angle with his stupid pop up into a superplex. Angle going up? Splash misses! Styles Clash! Kickout! If Angle wins now, Styles looks bad. This is turning into a standard Angle match. Both men up...superplex? Angle fighting...splash! Kickout! Angle sizing him up...Angle slam countered with a DDT! Kickout again. Series of reversals, turning into an ankle lock...German suplex! They ARE pushing the time a little more than I thought. Asai reverse DDT! Kickout...sigh. Angle took my "grabbing the ref's hand" spot! BOO. AJ up, Angle cuts him off...they're brawling...both men up...super Angle Slam! AJ KICKS OUT! This is kinda getting ridiculous now. Ankle lock...Angle sent into the buckles! Enzuigiri! STYLES CLASH! ANOTHER kickout? Take it home! Take it home! Angle counters another Styles Clash with the Ankle lock! And now Flair comes out? AJ fights out...Angle hits the post! Back suplex! Springboard 450! Angle kicks out AGAIN? Okay, seriously...I got burnt out after that last Styles Clash.
- Back from a break...another set of the same reversals. Flair walks away...Styles Clash but AJ can't cover. Going back up...Springboard 450...AJ wins! Nice!
Winner and STILL TNA World Champion: AJ Styles via pinfall (Springboard 450)
- Nice match...went on too long. Angle shakes AJ's hand. Here comes Hogan...for the heel turn? Oh, no...to put AJ and Angle over. Nice. Hogan's being interrupted...Foley is here...barging in on the Strip Poker game!
- Foley's gonna kill Venis? Foley is face to face with Bischoff! So...Hogan and Bischoff are Good Cop/Bad Cop? The nWo are attacking Foley! Nice to see its a BRAND NEW DAY. Hogan walks in...but TNA goes off with air with an nWo CLIFFHANGER.
- Wow. That was a complete trainwreck. That was, basically, what people feared would happen...an nWo reunion, a ton of "old guys" showing up...and nothing now until next Thursday. WWE wasn't a super special show, but a solid, low key one setting up material for the next few months...this thing was one, giant cluster. The worst part is that the one reason I tuned in...the anticipated Beautiful People reunion...never happened.
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