Thursday, January 14, 2010

Tommy's Take on: TNA Impact 1/14/10

- Did not recap ECW or Superstars, though they were perfectly good shows.  Going to try to do this tonight, though my hand hurts like crap.

- TNA opening recap from last week shows exactly two TNA Originals, AJ Styles and Jeff Jarrett.  Angle and Foley get some face time and the rest is all nWo and surprise arrivals.  BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

- There's a TNA PPV this weekend...Mike Tenay doesn't know whose in the main event, even though the website has hyped AJ Styles vs Angle since last Monday.

GENERATION ME vs THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

- Generation Me were known as The Young Bucks.  They look like the two most bland indy wrestlers you could imagine.  This coming from a guy who was a pale, skinny and out of shape indy wrestler, but did his level best to ensure that he wasn't "bland".  I sure do like Chris Sabin.  Apparently Generation Me are "Max and Jeremy".  Genius.  Alex Shelley with a Randy Orton-esque chinlock.  The nWo are walking backstage, distracting from this match.  Apparently they are "The Band".  And Foley hasn't been seen since the attack.  Huh.  That was an impressive sequence.  An inverted atomic drop on Sabin, then flipping backward through the ropes and hitting a moonsault on Shelley.  This match would have been a MUCH better opener last week than that abomination of a Steel Asylum.  All high spots, no psychology...that's the X Division.  Its an impressive dance, but none of it matters, ya know?  Take it home!  Generation Me wins.  Nice debut if you like the X Division spotfests.

WINNERS: GENERATION ME via pinfall on Alex Shelley (450 Splash/Moonsault)

- Apparently The Nasty Boys are still wrecking the Team 3D locker room.  Team 3D is trying to break in.  Yawn.

- Video package of Hogan putting over Angle and Styles, and making the rematch.  Apparently Genesis is Angle's last title shot.  Hopefully that means AJ is winning.  An "impact player" is debuting at Genesis.

- I won't be recapping Genesis.

- God.  Kurt Angle.

- I don't know what I dislike more...watching him wrestle or hearing him talk.

- Of course Styles winning the title wasn't a fluke...he's a FOUR TIME World Champion.  Ugh.  Angle's putting Styles over here...hopefully for good.  AJ's video package looks like crap.  He's coming out to confront Angle.  AJ's coming across kinda cocky...hm.  Crowd doesn't like the "this is your last shot" stuff...because that doesn't work when faces do it.  At least that was short.

- The Masked Man attacks AJ again!  Is that...Abyss?  Oh, no...Tomko!  That would have worked much better if Tomko hadn't been redebuted with no fanfare weeks ago.

- I think I wanna see The Book of Eli.

- Recap of Tomko killing AJ.

- Hemme with "The Band".  GOD...Bubba.  Yuck.  Seriously, if he stays here, I'm going to stop watching.  Hall with gangsta slang.  The Band refusing to talk about where Foley went.  Seriously...if Bubba stays, I go.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE w/LACEY VON ERICH vs AWESOME KONG & HAMADA

- Angelina Love in the crowd with no fanfare.  SIGH.  Sky and Rain are happy to see her, Lacey looks annoyed.  This should be a murder.  Hamada is still limping.  Rain and Sky look nervous, Love looks disapproving.  Ha!  Sky with the Karate Kid pose.  Sky's offense is ugly.  Love is cheering on Madison.  Kong and Hamada are faces in this match, apparently.  AWESOME BOMB on Rain ends it.

Winners: AWESOME KONG & HAMADA via pinfall on Rain (AWESOME BOMB)

- Lacey and Velvey scraping Rain off the ground.  Angelina attacks Lacey!  Pounces on Sky!  Clocks Lacey!  Love just became the top face of the division!  Nice.

- AJ busts into Bischoff's office.  Apparently the TNA World Champion can't talk to the guy in charge.  AJ doesn't sound convincing trying to be badass.  Bischoff is trying to talk AJ out of fighting Tomko.  Apparently this Tomko situation is going to be the excuse for AJ to lose to Angle.  Why doesn't Bischoff have a main event?  Its half an hour into the show?  Are they making this up as it goes along?  Apparently AJ vs Tomko is a title match.

- Beer Money apparently doesn't know where Bischoff's office is.

- Hogan is, apparently, the selling point for Genesis.

- Borash finds Bischoff who is meeting with "someone" next week.  Borash is trying to find Foley.  I bet he has amnesia and is wandering the streets of Cleveland.  Bischoff stress that Foley is missing because Borash let Foley in last week.  Beer Money found Bischoff.  Beer Money wants Hall and Nash...and takes Storm's beer.  Nice cock block.  *sigh*

LETHAL CONSEQUENCES vs

- All the X Division guys on steroids looks STRANGE.  Lashley attacks them!  He's killing themn by himself.  Apparently they were supposed to wrestle Team 3D.  So...everyone is supposed to earn their spot...but Lashley wants to leave and can't?  Well...at least Lashley's not wrestling.  Kristal is threatening to destroy the enter TNA roster until she gets a meeting with Hogan.  Why are they trying so hard to keep him?  I could see it if she was demanding his title shot or something.  Here comes Team 3D...with an ax.  This going to be a promo on The Nasty Boys.  Nope...3D on Creed.  Match over.

Winners: TEAM 3D via pinfall on Creed (3D)

- Brother Ray cutting a promo on The Nasty Boys.  *Yawn*  Ray burying The Nasty Boys for riding Hogan's coattails.  Should Ray or Devon be calling anyone fat?  They are headed to their locker room with their ax.  Nice...Ray takes the "Team 3D" sign.  Nastys ambush Team 3D.  It is worth noting...I have never liked the Nastys, ever...and I have seen exactly one good match with them in it, against Rick abd Scott Steiner as they were reaching their peak.  That was something like twenty years ago.

- Tomko/AJ package.  Wait...Tomko taught AJ everything he knows?  He was at least a two time World Champion at that point.  I hope that was supposed to delusional.

- Sean Morely out with a riff on the old Val Venis video package.  Not wearing a towel, though.  He's no Evan Stone...wait, what?  Still living off the porn gimmick.  So now he's a porn director.  Where's his website?  He's an online director...where's the website?  Huh?  This would be fine if he wasn't riding the WWE gimmick.  ...a film division?  I...am confused.  TNA Films?  Interrupted by Daniels, who still has no eyebrows.  Daniels is smiling.  Handshake.  I think the Beautiful People already welcomed him.  ...Daniels is here to pitch a screenplay.  So...from World title contender...to wait...nope...I think he's going to drop Morely.  STO!!  Awesome!  Wait...Daniels isn't the face in this scenario?  Really?  That was awesome.  Too bad he's going to be putting Morely over now.  Blah...Morely fights him off.  I think I would have waited for that.

- ODB vs Tara in a Knockouts Title rematch at Genesis.  2 out of 3 falls?  Eek.  Nice...ODB has had "nastier" things than tarantulas on her belly.

- Here comes Jarrett with what looks like a lawyer.  I guess Hogan was pissed about getting booed.

- Matt Morgan and Hernandez will be facing Beer Money later on.

- Or now.

MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ vs BEER MONEY

- How come we haven't seen The British Invasion?  I think that bodes ill for their title reign.  I guess everyone's a face here?  Looks like Hernandez jumped on that suplex before they lifted him.  Morgan tags in and wipes out both Beer Money members.  Wow...Hernandez and Morgan are being portrayed as being smarter tag wrestlers than arguably the two best tag wrestlers in TNA history.  Here comes Rob Terry to attack Hernandez, but Morgan is all over him.

Winner: No Contest

- Here comes The Band to the ring, where Beer Money is!  Waltman first, followed by Nash and Hall is gradually making his way to the ring.  Waltman getting brutalized!  Now its three on two.  The Band just looks sad.  Security hits the ring to break it up.

- Blah...Bischoff.  Commercial break.

- Bischoff with a cryptic comment for Beer Money.  Bischoff is acting like he doesn't know what The Band is up to.  Hall and Nash vs Beer Money at Genesis, apparently.  Hm.  God luck, guys.  Sting is in the rafters, but they cut away.

- Another cranky Tomko promo, painting AJ as being selfish.  At least they are providing backstory.

DESMOND WOLFE vs SAMOA JOE

- Wolfe just looks SO bland.  Hm.  Apparently Wolfe and D'Angelo Dinero are having a Genesis rematch.  Hebner holding Wolfe back from Joe.  I predict a non-finish in two minutes.  Joe pummeling Wolfe.  Wolfe has gotten nothing in so far.  Joe gets distracted by the ref, but quickly takes over. Goes for the KOKINA CLUTCH, but Wolfe gets in the ropes.  Wolfe just can't get going against Joe.  Wolfe counters Joe's corner reversal...Hammerlock DDT drops Joe.  Hm...I already forgot about Orlando Jordan.  Wolfe flips off the camera, British style.  Wolfe looks like he's setting up the TOWER OF LONDON but JOE is turning it into the KOKINA CLUTCH...Wolfe with the TOWER OF LONDON!  Joe loses...clean?

Winner: DESMOND WOLFE via pinfall (TOWER OF LONDON)

- Wolfe is taunting Pope, who has been doing commentary.  Wolfe tries to talk to the camera, and they cut to The Pope.  Brilliant.

- Limo with Ric Flair outside.  Apparently to do commentary.

- Another Tomko promo.  They have done a nice job with this.

- Jarrett busts in on Hogan!  Jarrett tells Bischoff to take a seat, and gets in Hogan's face.  Now Jarrett's heeling out.  Sigh.  Well, he IS a better heel than a face.  Yup, that's a lawyer.  God...I'm already tired of Bischoff one upping everyone.  Jarrett no-sells Bischoff.  Nice.  Hogan's getting in Jarrett's face...Jarrett's hiding behind his lawyer.  SIGH.  The TNA crowd got the memo that they're supposed to booing Jarrett.  I'm confused...Hogan's a face, Bischoff's a heel or the worst face ever.

- Amazing Red vs a mystery opponent at Genesis.

- Desmond Wolfe vs D'Angelo Dinero at Genesis.

- Abyss vs Lashley at Genesis.

- ODV vs Tara.

- British Invasion vs Hernandez & Morgan.

- Beer Money vs Hall & Nash.

- Angle vs AJ Style or Tomko.

- "Major" talent acquisition.

- Flair here for commentary.

TNA World Title Match
TOMKO vs AJ STYLES(c)

- Flair is here to "observe".  Super special ring announcing.  I thought Borash was looking for Foley?  AJ is all over Tomko!  Tomko bails.  AJ follows!  Here comes Angle to observe.  Angle goes to the broadcast booth and shakes hands with Flair as Styles murders Tomko.  Tomko fights back with a big powerslam.  Commercials.

- I HATE the little TNA mini-breaks.

- Both guys down as we come back from a second break.  Tomko is choking AJ.  Hands AND boots alternately.  AJ slides down, enzuigiri!  Pele?  Pin!  AJ is still beating Tomko down!  So...no feud?

Winner: STYLES via pinfall (PELE KICK)

- Tomko attacks post match...but Angle with the save!  Angle hands Styles the title back as Flair wattches on...AJ walks away and Flair smiles.  So Sting putting AJ over was all for nothing?

- Genesis video package focusing on AJ-Angle.