Monday, March 8, 2010

Tommy's Take on: WWE Monday Night Raw 3/8/10

- I'm gonna recap the first night of TNA's move to Monday nights, I think.  On the Road to Wrestlemania, I think that guest host concept feels very, very out of place.  I mean, you have all this earth shaking stuff like UT-HBK, Cena-Batista, Vince-Bret...and we're supposed to care about Criss Angel?

- Standard WWE opening.

- Undertaker is here to counter whatever TNA is opening with!!  I am genuinely lost on who is going to win Career Vs Streak.  Undertaker stumbled a bit on the mmic.  Looks like his nose has been busted a bit, too.  Pretty basic promo.

- Shawn Michaels is here!

- Shawn admits that losing to UT last year has been hanging over him like a dark cloud...but he's had an epiphany now.  Shawn thinks that UT interfering last week is a sign that UT is showing fear against HBK.  Is Shawn doing "Fear" like Edge does "Spear"?

- Shawn says that "Nothing last forever"...which holds true no matter who loses, I guess.  Undertaker thinks HBK is desperate.  HBK denies it.  He says he wants it pinfalls or submissions only, no DQ or countout!  He also says he will kick UT's teeth down his throat!

- Undertaker agrees!  UT says that he sees that HBK believes he can win at Wrestlemania!  Undertaker is vowing to opening the gates of Hell to unleash a fury that no mortal man has ever seen!  HBK looks momentarily stunned...but recovers.

- The crowd is split with these guys.  The confrontation ends without anyone coming to blows.

- Not a newsworthy opening segment, but a solid promo exchange from two old pros.

- Orton vs Legacy tonight.

- Cena vs Vince tonight, as well.

- We have DIvAS.  Eve is the new top Diva, as its her music bringing her, Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly to the ring.

- Heel divas get jobber entrances.

EVE, KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM vs MARYSE, ALICIA FOX & KATIE LEA BURCHILL

- Fox and Gail to start.  Fox with some quick strikes, but Gail kills her on the ropes.  She clotheslines Katie Lea out of nowhere, but Fox cuts her off.  Maryse tags in.  Maryse cheap shots Kelly Kelly, but Gail knocks Maryse silly.  Eve is in and taking it to Maryse!  Maryse goes to the eyes.  Eve with a kick and slams her to the mat!  Somersault senton!  Heels break it up.  Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly clean house!  Maryse with a huge slap, but Eve with an armbar off the ropes!  Maryse taps!

Winners: EVE, KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM via submission on Maryse (Cross armbreaker off the ropes)

- Decent enough for the divas.

- Criss Angel and Hornswoggle are backstage and here come The Bellas, who want to be his assistants...but he doesn't use twins.  He pulls a thread off of one of them...and sticks it in his mouth...and he's pulling it through his eye!  That's...creepy.  Here comes Jillian Hall.  And...she's gonna sing.  He gets pop of the night when he makes her voice disappear!

- ShowMiz!  Apparently they are taking on Smackdown's R-Truth and John Morrison in a WrestleMania preview.  Um...wouldn't it be smarter to, like, have a singles match with partners at ringside or something?

SHOWMIZ vs R-TRUTH & JOHN MORRISON

- Miz is cutting a promo on his way to the ring.  Doubting that R-Truth and Morrison really "earned" their title shot last week.  Miz compares them to Lex Luger and The British Bulldog.  Miz is...trashing the lack of a tag team division?  How do the writers write this and not realize what they are doing?  Here's Morrison...crap...separate introductions.  That practically proves Miz' point.  They are all over Miz!  They drop Show!  Miz is clotheslined out of the ring and double baseball slide!  Big Show attacks on the floor!  Referee calls for the bell...but they post him!  Double DDT on the floor!  They suplex Miz across the guardrail!

NO CONTEST

- Morrison cuts a promo, saying they just proved how "real" they are.

- Interesting booking.

- Reminders of the main events.

- cena is here NEXT.  Not NXT.  NEXT.

- Recap of Batista killing Cena.

- Cena is here!  Apparently Cena is admitting he can't beat Batista...wait, no...he's playing along.  Cena is "counting on" Batista's involvement.

- Wait...Evan Bourne is taking on William Regal in a Money in the Bank match...no Kofi?  Skip Sheffield is here with Regal, and Regal is berating him!  Angel is going to "read Regal's mind".   That was...pointless.  Angel "read Regal's mind" to find out the number Regal picked.

- DiBiase turning on Orton recap.

LEGACY vs RANDY ORTON

- Orton attacks them from behind!  He's all over Cody!  I thought I saw DiBiase running down, where was the attack?  WWe go to commercials with Orton gaining the psychological edge.

- Match officially starts.  DiBiase and Rhodes must tag.  Rhodes attacks Orton in the corner.  Orton fires up all over Rhodes.  Big elbow.  DiBiase tags.  DiBiase cuts Orton off with a kick...Orton with a huge clothesline.  Legacy are getting frustrated.  AWESOME.  Lawler gives Cole the "Two Rules of Success: 1. Never tell everything you know."  It takes Cole almost a full minute to get it.  Heel double teaming.  Rhodes beats Orton down and goes for the cover, to no avail.  Rhodes gets sent over the top!  DiBiase sneaks in, but Orton senses him!  Commercials.

- Orton is fighting out of the corner as we return from the break.  Clothesline on Rhodes!  Jawbreaker by Cody and hhe throws Orton out, but Orton nails DiBiase!  He starts to come back in, but DiBiase yanks him off the apron!  Rhodes goes after Orton and the crowd breaks into a big "Randy" chant.  Both men are in after a tag, beating on Orton.   Orton fights out of a chinlock, but DiBiase with the blindside clothesline!  Rhodes with a dropkick off a DiBiase irish whip.  Rhodes channels Bob Holly with a rope-draped kick on Orton!  Tag to Ted.  Double corner whip.  This match has officially gone on too long for me.  Orton fires back onn both men.  Powerslam on Ted.  One on Cody.  Beatdown on DiBiase.  Ted with a cheap kick, but Orton with the 3.0!  He's staring at the Wrestlemania sign.  And now he's calling for the RKO...Cody in!  Orton kicks him off!  DREAM STREET!

Winners: LEGACY via pinfall (DREAM STREET by DiBiase)

- A loss there would have KILLED Legacy.

- Post match beatdown!  CROSS RHODES!  They do the Orton pose over his body!

- Batista is backstage.  Batista is calling Cena paranoid.  Batista gives his word that he will not interfere tonight.  Hm.

- Triple H is WALKING.

- AUSTIN will be here next week!

- Ooh...I may have to DVR Justified.

- Triple H is HERE.

- Recap of Sheamus attacking him last week.  Note: Triple H eliminated Sheamus from the Elimination Chamber.

- This, presumably, will set up their match at Wrestlemania.  Triple H respects the sneak attack.  Sheamus wastes no time interrupting!

- He takes the mic from Triple H!  Apparently he's moving straight to the Wrestlemania challenge.  Triple H is putting over Sheamus' rookie year.  Triple H brings up his Wrestlemania squash at the hands of Ultimate Warrior, without naming names, and basically implies that the same will happen to Sheamus.  I think he's quoting Eminem lyrics now.  He drives home that Sheamus had better be sure before he decides to face Triple H.  He goes for a cheap shot, but Hunter sends him over the ropes!  Sheamus attacks him on the floor, but misses a pump kick!  Clothesline over the rail!  Triple H is all over Sheamus!  Sheamus sends him into the table!  Spinebuster in the ring!  Sheamus bais to avoid the Pedigree!

- Decent undercard build.

- Criss Angel and Santino Marella is backstage.  HA!  Santino rags on the "liberal media" while talking about Harry Houdini.  Angel is doing another magic trick.  Santino is hiding a sushi knife under a cup.  Angel is going to find it, apparently, but judging how tense Santino gets when he moves his hand over the cup.  That was...pointless.

- David Otunga is apparently getting heavy focus tomorrow on NXT.  I will recap.

- Money in the Bank Qualifier!

Money in the Bank Qualifier
EVAN BOURNE vs WILLIAM REGAL (w/Skip Sheffield)

- Christian and Heath Slater are at ringside, with Christian on commentary!  Seriously?  No Kofi?  Bourne looks like he gives a little respectful bow to Christian.  Regal's music is awesome.  Regal takedown and kick.  This looks oddly sloppy.  Neither man is that sloppy.  Bourne kicks away!  Huge forearm by Regal!  Butterfly suplex by Regal!  T-Bone!  Bourne with a knee out of nowhere!  Shooting Star Press!

Winner: EVAN BOURNE via pinfall (SHOOTING STAR PRESS)

- Well...wow.

- Wrestlemania Recall shows Austin stun Goldberg and Lesnar.

- Jericho needs to beat Edge...=(

- Vince-Bret video package.

- Wrestlemania Rewind matches: Cena vs Big Show and HBK vs Jericho...and Triple H vs Orton, as well as Austin presiding over Vince-Bret contract signing.  Goodbye TNA.

- Seriously?  Criss Angel is the ring announcer?

JOHN CENA vs MR. MCMAHON

- I notice Vince has sleeves now.  Vince is gonna "break" Cena.  He has the mic!  He's mocking Bret.  ?  This is a handicap gauntlet match?  Vladimer Kozlov!  Cena on the attack, but Kozlov with a powerslam!  Headbutts!  Iron Curtain!  That was a finisher in ECW!  Vince tags in...two count!  He calls out Drew McIntyre!  McIntyre is all over Cena!  Huge stomp!  Flatliner!  Vince is in!  Apparently guys are gone when Vince tags in.  At least Cena's not pinning everyone.  Jack Swagger storms the ring!  Commercials.

- Swagger can't see Cena!  Five Knuckle Shuffle!  Swagger counters the Attitude Adjustment!  Oklahoma Stampede!  Running Vader Bomb!  Swagger keeps stopping short of the tag..no, there it is.  Cena kicks out again!  Another cover...kickout again!  Mark Henry?  Apparently Henry is being FORCED into this.  He's not happy at all about it.  World's Strongest Slam!  Vince wants the tag and gets it!  Kickout!  Vince gets the mic and the ring bell!  He makes it no DQ as he heads to the ring with the bell...Mark Henry begs him off...Vince hands the bell to Mark!  He tells Mark to do it!  Mark says no and drops it!  Batista spears Henry!  Kicks him to the floor!  KOFI!!!  KOFI UNLOADS ON BATISTA!!!  NO!  POWERBOMB!  Cena fights up!  Clothesline!  Vince is trying to hide the ring belll.  He drops it.  Attitude Adjustment?  No!  He drops him as Batista runs in with the spear!  BATISTA BOMB!  That gets the cover!

Winner: MR. MCMAHON via pinfall (BATISTA BOMB)

- Vince does the Bret strut.

- Batista stands over Cena.  He gets the spotlight as he stands over the broken Cena.

- Not a bad show.  Solid build to Wrestlemania.  Is Kofi seriously not getting ANYTHING to do?